Tangled Up In You
by LizD
Summary: Reposted By Request Complete AU From End of Season 8 Paraguay
1. Default Chapter

Tangled Up In You

Chapter One

By LizD

Written Summer 2003

Spoilers – Through the End of Season 8

**Tangled Up In You**

**Chapter One**

**1923 EST**

**Rabb Residence**

Harm was tearing down the glass block that was the divider for his bathroom. He was completely focused on the job at hand. Shirtless, covered in sweat, dirt and probably glass shards from the block that didn't fare well during the demolition; he was a man determined. The room – nay apartment – had been completely destroyed. The floor has been torn up, the kitchen island was gone, and all the furniture and appliances were out of the apartment. It looks as if a bomb had gone off. The only thing intact and pushed off to a safe distance was the stereo, which was cranked to ear splitting decibels.

Sarah MacKenzie, still in the uniform of the day, forced her way through the stairwell door (nearly blocked by several hastily packed boxes) to the open door of Rabb's apartment. She was amazed at the chaos that she found. She watched him unnoticed for a moment and was forced to acknowledge the distance and mess that had come between them. It had been nearly four weeks since the day Harm showed up and freed her from Sadik. Nearly four weeks since they had destroyed the weapons and crashed the plane in the mountains of Paraguay. Nearly four weeks since they spent a very uncomfortable night silently praying for a way home but outwardly keeping up a brave front for the other. Nearly four weeks since they were extracted and returned to the United States with Clayton Webb and Victor Galindez. Nearly four weeks since the admiral compelled Harm to take some time off to consider his options. It had been longer than that since the last time Harm and Mac actually had a conversation that had full sentences and was deeper than a paper cut.

Needless to say, Harm did not hear her call his name. He was not expecting her; in fact she was the last person he expected to see standing in the deconstruction of his life, although he might argue that she caused it. Well maybe not caused it, but it was as a result of her. He had never been one to take too much of the blame on himself, well at least not when it concern affairs of the heart.

Mac called his name again, but the music was too loud. She fought her way carefully through the debris to turn it off. Harm did not notice; he was so intent on the task at hand. She needed to yell again.

"HEY! HARM!" Her voice cracked with frustration.

He stopped what he was doing. He looked up and noticed her standing there. For a moment he looked confused, like he didn't recognize her. His breathing was labored, and there was sweat dripping into his eyes. He attempted to wipe it away and focus on this intruder.

"Harm?" She offered, "It's me. Mac?"

"Mac." He came to his senses. "What are you doing here?" He was not happy to see her.

"What are YOU doing here?" She countered.

"I live here." He surveyed the mess quickly. "Doing a little renovation."

"Looks like a complete over haul to me. I thought you liked the place the way it was."

He looked at her for a moment; he was not sure how much he wanted to say to her. He was not sure he wanted to discuss his motives behind this need for change. All he really knew was that change was what he must do, and not being a passive person by nature, he had taken the bull by the horns. He was determined to make his own future and leave everything else behind - everything.

"Harm?"

"I did, but --- making it a little bigger."

"I see."

"I'd invite you in, but as you can see it is a bit of a mess."

"There is less rubble in downtown Baghdad." She tried to joke, but the playful part of their relationship was not there.

Harm attempted a smile, but there was something forced and unnatural about it. "So what can I do for you?" He said in a business like fashion.

"No, nothing." She was off balance.

Things had not been right between them before she went on the mission with Webb. She had thought that they would discuss that whole Singer mess when she got back. It occurred to her on the flight to Paraguay that she was angry with him and that was what prompted her to go. She was not angry that he was arrested, but that he was keeping things from her. She had thought that they were getting closer, closer to a place that she wanted to be with him. But when she found out that he had been investigating Singer, had asked Manetti to do it, she was more than hurt. She was confused. How could she hope to have a relationship with a man who kept something like that from her? It also made her question Harm's desire to have a relationship with her. They had gone back to the beginning all right.

And then Paraguay happened. She never expected that mission to turn south so quickly and decisively. She never expected to be so out of control. She never expected to be so scared. She never expected Webb to disclose so much about his feelings for her. She never expected to return any of those feelings. She never expected Harm to show up to save her – though that was the one thing she was not surprised by.

She knew his coming to find her cost him dearly; not only financially and career wise, but personally. How do you apologize for that? How do you show gratitude to a man – who you are still angry with, who confuses you, who can't get his own message straight – who has given up everything to make sure you live? How do you say 'thank you' and go back to the way things were?

"Mac?"

"I just came by to see how you were." That was weak even I her own ears.

When they got back to the U.S., Webb needed her. His recovery was very slow. He was in intensive care for a week and was just released from the hospital earlier that day. Mac was very supportive and Harm did not stick around to watch.

"So why are you here?" His mask, his guard, his bravado was up. There will be nothing getting through those defenses.

"I thought maybe we could talk." She smiled nervously. "You know, talk."

"About?" There was so much distance between them, and that distance was full of a lot more debris than the apartment.

She was at a loss for words. He was going to pretend like nothing was different between them. He was going to say that saving her life was nothing, no big deal; he would have done it for anyone.

"Well, saving my life for one. Have I told you how much I appre--."

"More than once." He cut her off. "It was no big deal." He flashed her a fake smile. "You know me Mac, always looking for the next damsel in distress."

She nodded but felt the sting all the way down to her toes. He was not going to make this easy for her. "This looks like a pretty big project." She changed the subject.

"Yeah, well…" He was at a loss for something to say. "I have some time on my hands these days."

"Have you talked to the admiral about returning to JAG?"

"Nope."

"Do you want me to talk to him?" She offered before she thought about how he might take it wrong.

"I don't need you to run interference for me, Mac." He snapped. "I can take care of myself."

The angry force behind those words slapped her in the face. Another woman would have broken down, but not Mac. She came back with just as much force.

"So what ARE you going to do?" She demanded.

She found her anger again. She never asked him to save her life. She never asked him for anything other than to tell her how he felt about her, which was the one thing he could never do. Was it her fault that he was in this mess – literally and figuratively? Was it her fault that he may have destroyed his career for her? No. No it was not. But it sure felt that way.

"So what are you going to do?" She asked again.

"At the moment, I'm renovating."

"About your career?"

"Officially I still have 30 days on the books before my resignation kicks in. If I decide that I want to stay in, I suppose I could find a post somewhere."

"Somewhere?" It occurred to her that she could lose him by his own choice. "Not at JAG."

"Think I wore out that welcome." He said a little too sincerely. "Besides it is time for something different."

"Different?"

"Yes, different. JAG is not the only career in the Navy and the Navy is not the only place to make a career."

"Would you really quit? Resign?"

"Sure why not." He fixed her with a look that was cold and mean. "Nothing keeping me there." He looked away. It was too mean. "I could do anything. I could go anywhere." He finished with a severe dose of sarcasm, "It's just a job, and I have had more than enough adventure."

Again Mac felt the slap of his words. She did not know if she should be angry or hurt. She decided to ignore it and bring the whole conversation back to the surface. "So where do you sleep in all this mess?"

"At a friend's."

"A friend?"

Almost on cue, the elevator door opened revealing a very sexy woman. She was a tall leggy blonde with a perfect body, hair and make up wearing a dress so short and cut so low it begged the question, "Why put anything on at all?" She could be on the cover of _Vogue_ or _Cosmopolitan _ or _Seventeen_ (she was a little young). She was everything that Mac was not, including dumb as a post.

"Harmsy." She said afraid to step off the elevator for fear that one of her spike heels would be caught in the wreckage. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah." He said putting down his tools and slipping on his dirty T-shirt.

Mac looked at this piece of fluff, sizing her up, and the woman did the same.

Harm reluctantly introduced them, but there was no shame in his voice. "Bambi Muenster – Sarah MacKenzie. Mac – Bambi."

The women nodded a hello.

"Am I interrupting something Harmsy?" Bambi asked coyly, feeling no threat at all from a uniformed Mac.

"Mac just stopped by to say hello." He explained. "She was just on her way out."

Mac looked back at him and was appalled as his lack of sensitivity toward her. "On my way out? When was I ever in?" She sighed. "Sorry to have bothered you."

"No, not at all." He said with mock sincerity. "Come by anytime."

"Good luck with the renovations."

Bambi giggled. "He may never be done. Harmsy here keeps changing the plans. Don'tcha?"

Mac turned her head and rolled her eyes. If this was the type of woman he wanted – so be it. "I know all about Commander Rabb and his changes of heart." She warned.

The three people felt a definite chill in the air. Bambi stepped back away from the door of the elevator to let Mac in. Mac shook her head and nodded to the stairs. She looked back over her shoulder to catch Harm quickly glancing away. He had been watching her, but did not want her to see. She shook her head and went down the stairs without another word. Harm watched in a pained silence. He knew he hurt her, that was clearly his agenda and Bambi's appearance was just icing on the cake.

He slowly shut down all the lights and equipment he had been using, but really he was waiting until he was sure Mac was gone. It was a shock to see her and it was more of a shock to know just how much she still affected him. There were two conflicting voices in his head. One said, "How could she?" and the other, just as loudly said, "You only have yourself to blame." His own voice said, "Move on."

**1048 EST**

**JAG Headquarters**

**Falls Church, Virginia**

**Two and a Half Weeks Later**

Rabb's office was closed and locked, as it had been since the day he left. No one spoke of it, but clearly the admiral was holding his place. Mac was back to work and had been working over time since they were down one attorney. Her level of frustration was high and had increased since the night she visited Rabb. Every time she walked by his office, her stomach tightened and she hated herself for that. Now, of all things, she needed some files that were kept in there. And she needed to ask Harriet to let her in. How was she going to be able to avoid a conversation about him now?

"Harriet," she said in a command type voice as she stood with her hand on the knob, "Do you have the key?"

Harriet nodded, and pulled the key from her draw and opened the door for her. "When you are finished, ma'am. Just lock it behind you."

"Thank you Harriet." That was easier than she thought. Of course Harriet and Bud and the whole JAG staff knew the story. They all knew that Rabb, the resident hero, gave up his commission to save her life, and to show her gratitude she chose Clayton Webb. Well that was what they thought and she was not about to set the record straight with any of them. Rabb walked on water as far as they were concerned and she must be evil incarnate, or the most ungrateful woman alive. She found a modicum of comfort in the truth, at least the truth as she saw it.

She entered the office and pulled the files she thought she needed. There were too many, so she sat at the desk to flip through them. The office still felt like his, even though all his personal belongings were gone. She still expected him to walk through the door at any moment.

"Hey, Mac."

She looked up and for a moment she saw him, Harmon Rabb, clear as day, tall and smiling and looking at her with bright and shiny eyes that she wanted to believe said something more than his words. She blinked and realized it was Sturgis.

"You look like you've seen a ghost." Sturgis said.

"I guess I did." She smiled sadly.

"Looking up those files for the Garner case?"

"Yes."

"Find what you are looking for?" He teased. Sturgis enjoyed sparing with Mac.

"Not yet, but I will."

"See you in court, counselor."

"That you will."

Sturgis was about to leave, but changed his mind when he saw the sad expression wash over her face. He came in, closed the door and sat down in front of her. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not sure there is anything to talk about."

"Sure there is." Sturgis was gentle with her when it came to Harm. After her disclosure a year or more ago, Sturgis felt like he needed to be supportive.

"Have you seen him?" Mac asked weakly.

"Yes, he is in a difficult place right now." He defended his friend. "The renovation is probably what is keeping him sane or out of jail."

"Will he come back to JAG?"

"I don't know and I don't know if that is what will be best for him." He chose his words carefully. "It maybe time for him to try something else."

"I feel responsible for this."

"You aren't."

Mac shook her head; that was not the answer she was looking for. She wanted someone to openly blame her so she could defend herself.

"May I ask you a question?" Sturgis said.

Mac nodded slightly.

Sturgis proceeded carefully. "You told me you loved him."

"I do . . . I did . . . I still do – I suppose." She exhaled, "But it is not that simple."

"Cause of Webb?" Sturgis offered.

"There is nothing between Clay and me." Mac said sharply. "There never was. We got very close and he wanted more, but it was not going to happen."

"Then I am confused, why –."

"Why does everyone think there is?" She finished his question for him. "Why did Harm walk away? You know Harm better than I do." She shrugged. "You know how much he hates to lose. And true to form, Harm took himself out of the game before he was sure of the score - again."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning he saw me kiss Clay and made up his mind. To save face or his ego or whatever you men call it, he pulled away again. Leave before he got left."

"Aren't you familiar with that tactic?" Sturgis pressed.

"I like to think I invented it, but it was inherited." She shook her head and looked down at the files on the desk. "Anyway it doesn't matter now; he had found **_Bambi_**."

Sturgis almost laughed. "Bambi is the daughter of a very old friend. He is not interested in her."

"She looks pretty interested in him."

"You are going to let petty jealousy get in the way of you two actually having a chance?"

"A chance at what?" She nearly cried. "Harm and I have been missing opportunities since the day we met. We had serious trust issues and countless other issues that we have over come. The timing was never right. It still isn't." She exhaled forcefully. "It was not meant to be and that is the end of that story. I am not going to put anymore energy into it."

"Can you do that?" Sturgis asked sincerely.

"I have no choice. He had made it very clear that he wants nothing to do with me personally and probably professionally. He did not want to discuss what happened or say that it meant more than it did. He helped a friend as he would have helped you, or Bud or the admiral." She ran her hand through her hair. "I am just one of the boys. Actually worse than that, he called me a damsel in distress."

Sturgis felt her pain. "Like I said he is in a bad place at the moment."

"And there is nothing I can do about it."

"I didn't say that."

"I could transfer to the other side of the world, that would make him happy."

"No it wouldn't and it wouldn't do much for you either."

"Maybe I should anyway."

"Maybe you should tell him how you feel." Sturgis challenged.

Mac smirked. "That would depend on the time of day, which way the wind is blowing and whether or not I have eaten."

Sturgis got up and headed for the door. She was being argumentative. She had a right. He paused before opening it. "You owe it to yourself and to him."

"Have you given this advice to him?"

"Repeatedly."

"Has he admitted to you that he has feelings for me – beyond friendship?"

"I have never asked him directly." Sturgis smiled. "One of you needs to be the bigger person."

"And it might as well be me, right? To save his poor ego?" She shook her head. "I am sick to death of everyone making me out to be the villain. I didn't do anything wrong."

"That is hardly the point, all I am saying is that you will regret not telling him how you feel."

"I may regret telling him more."

"Your call Colonel." He nodded, "See you in court."

She nodded.

**2215 EST**

**Rabb Apartment**

**Three Days Later**

Bud knocked on the open door and pushed it open. Harm was on the other side of the room rebuilding the glass block wall to the bathroom. Bud didn't notice a difference at all between the last one he had and this one. To be honest there was very little difference. The room was calm, quiet and cleaned up compared to the last time we saw it.

"Commander?"

"Hey, Bud. Come on in. Have a beer." Harm nodded to the refrigerator. He actually seemed in very good spirits.

"It's pretty late, sir."

"Harriet has you on a pretty short leash these days, huh?"

"No sir."

"Then have a beer, grab me one too."

"The place looks …"

"Exactly the same Bud. Don't try to be nice. I tore it down and built it up exactly the way it was. I may change the paint."

Bud opened a beer and handed it to Harm. "So it was a waste of time?" He opened a second one for him self.

"Not entirely." He took a long hit on the beer. "I fixed a couple of the things that I did wrong last time. I guess it was an exercise."

"A lot of hard work."

"That it was. So how are you doing, haven't seen you in a couple of weeks? How's Harriet feeling?"

"She is great and feels great. The baby is due around Christmas time."

"Wonderful. I am happy for you two. Give Harriet my best."

"I will sir. She wants you to come by next week for dinner."

"Love to. So what brings you by, Bud?"

"I have a letter from the admiral." Bud looked over at where the phone used to be. It had been pulled out of the wall and smashed. "He said he couldn't get you on the phone."

"Yeah, well, had a little accident with the phone." The phone was broken in a fit of rage; that was obvious. But if Harm had to say why he was so angry and why the phone needed to be taught a lesson, he would not have a good answer. The fact that it happened after he got a message from Mac might have had something to do with it, but Harm would not admit that. "I'll go pick up a new one tomorrow."

Harm pulled himself up, stretched out his legs and his back and groaned. "Getting to old for this Bud." He finished his beer and took the letter. "Let's see what the ol' admiral had to say." He opened the letter and read.

Bud waited. He knew what the letter said, or at least he thought he had a pretty good idea. Rabb's leave was up in 8 days. That admiral wanted to know what his intentions were. Harm folded it and looked worried. Clearly he had not made up his mind about what to do or rather what he wanted to do.

"Good news sir?" Bud said cheerfully even though Harm's expression was not 'good.'

"Hard to say. I have a command performance tomorrow at 0900."

"I should let you go. That is going to come awful early."

"Yeah, thanks for dropping it by."

"Sure thing." Bud started to leave, but couldn't stop himself from asking what he was dying to know. "Sir, are you coming back to JAG?"

Bud's little boy honesty had always taken Harm off guard. Bud was no longer the innocent naïve man of so many years ago. Life had knocked him around quite a bit, but some how he had never lost the good-natured straightforwardness that Harm admired. Harm respected him for so many things but mostly for knowing what he wanted in life and going after it. "I don't know, Bud. I really don't know."

"What would stop you?" He countered. "I mean you do want to come back, don't your sir?"

"Not sure of that either Bud." He offered Bud a friendly smile. "It may not be up to me. The admiral has the last word. If I decide to stay in, there is no guarantee that the admiral will let me stay in Washington."

"But you do want to stay, right?"

"Yeah." Harm nodded as if he were trying out the answer on himself first to see how it fits. "Yeah, I suppose I do."

"Good, well good night, sir."

"Good night, Bud."

Bud walked to the door and looked down at the phone again. He looked back at his friend "Sir, Harm, I know that you will say that this is none of my business and you might be right, you usually are."

"Say what you have to say, Lieutenant."

"You are not right this time." He paused to be sure that Harm was not going to take him out at the knees before he continued. "She looks as miserable as you do." Another famous Bud pause. "You two need to talk."

"Bud --" He tried to get his ire up, but either the lateness of the hour or the resolve in Bud face kept him reigned in.

"You two need to talk." Bud repeated. "And for my money? You should go first. The sooner the better." Bud waited for a reply, but nothing came, just an earnest stare. "Ok, well goodnight then, sir."

"Thank you Bud."

Bud nodded slightly and left.

Harm crossed the room to close the door after him. He slid down the door until he was sitting on the floor, the best seat in the house. He looked over at the heap of phone and answering machine near the pile of debris that needed to be taken out. He reached out to inspect it to see if there was any hope for repair. None at all. When he dropped it back on the pile, the message played back. It was Mac's voice - sad and soft. "_Harm? It's Mac. Please pick up. We need to talk. Sooner or later we'll have to. Harm? Fine … I guess later it is_." The date and time stamp was from three days ago at lunchtime. Shortly after Mac had had the conversation with Sturgis.

It seemed like a nice message; one he should have returned rather than shooting the messenger. So why? If I had to venture a guess it would be because he did not want to hear what she had to say. He did not want to hear that he jeopardized his life and his career so that she could be with another man, to hear again that they could be nothing more than friends, good friends. It was too little for so much. Was he mad at Mac? A little, yes. Why did she always do that? Always? . . . twice. Why can't she love him? Kiss him? Want him? Please – Mic Brumby and Clayton Webb? He was better for her than they were. Was he mad at himself? Oh yeah. And to punish himself he tore up his apartment and rebuilt it exactly the way it was. Such a waste of time, money and effort.

But Bud did say that she was not happy. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe he should talk to her. Maybe she won't give him the "friends" speech that men have been getting for eons and hating.

Harm took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He checked his watch. It was not that late. He got up and jogged out of the apartment down the street and to a pay phone on the corner. He dropped the change and dialed. It rang once, twice, three times and then the answering machine picked up. "Hi, Mac here. Please leave a mess-." He hung up. If she was not home at 10:45 at night, there was only one place she could be. He balled his fist up and thought about hitting the phone. He thought better of it. Why add injury to insult? Why continue to take out aggression on communications equipment? "Its time to move on, Rabb." He said to himself. He looked back toward his apartment, shook his head and ran off in the opposite direction – into the night.

Across Town In Mac's Apartment 

She came out of the bathroom at the sound of her own voice. She had been blow-drying her hair. She waited and listened for the caller to leave a message. Nothing came. She checked the caller ID; the number was blocked. It could have been him, but more likely it was a wrong number. She shook her head and smiled. "Damn you." She picked up the phone and dialed. She let it ring six or seven times before she hung up. Now he'd turned the answering machine off. Fine.

**0847 EST**

**JAG Headquarters**

**Falls Church, Virginia**

The Next Morning 

Mac did not sleep well and was a little on edge. She got to work early and saw that Rabb's office was open and someone was cleaning it. That could mean one of two things, he was coming back or he wasn't, but whichever it was there would be no more waiting. Why did she care so much? There was nothing between them, he had made sure of that. Hell, he had gone out of his way to make sure of that. Why did she care about what he would think? Did she really want to straighten things out with someone who obviously didn't want to work things out with her? Why did she feel like she was in high school hoping that she could catch a glimpse of him in study hall? This was stupid. She resolved that if he came in that day, the next or never, that she was done. She respected him as a person, grateful to him as a friend, but that was all. If it were only that easy. She needed coffee.

Rabb stepped off the elevator and looked around. It was strange being back there, being back in uniform and seeing the hustle and bustle that used to be so familiar. He had been gone for only six-seven weeks, but it felt like a lifetime. There were several people who greeted him, but none of his close friends were there. Not Harriet or Bud. Not the Gunny or Tiner. Not Sturgis or Jennifer. Not Mac. His late night run netted him two skinned knees, a gash on his arm that probably required stitches and some clear headed thinking. He decided that if he were given the opportunity he would like to rejoin the staff at JAG. He wanted to stay in Washington and he wanted to stay in the Navy. He liked his life before and would really like to get it back. As for Mac, well she was with Webb now. Another missed opportunity but that was no reason to hold it against her. It was not her fault, really. He should have spoken a long time ago. It may not have made any difference in the end, but at least the anticipation and the wondering would have been over. She had always been a good friend and a trusted partner, there was no reason why that can't be enough for Harm.

Bud came off the elevator with an armload of files. He called to his friend, welcoming him back. Harm turned toward the sound of his name, and returned the greeting. Harriet and Mac were coming back to the bullpen from the kitchen each with two cups of coffee in their hands. They were chatting away about the baby and laughing. Hearing Mac's laugh Harm couldn't help but turn toward it. She had not seen him, but he saw her. God she was beautiful when she smiled. She was coming right at him. Before anything could be done, Harm lifted his arms to prevent it, but to no avail. Mac slammed slap into him spilling the two cups of coffee down his fresh-from-the-dry-cleaners uniform.

"Harm!" Her surprise at seeing him was obvious and her embarrassment at the mess was almost comical.

"Morning, Mac." He gave her a smile. "Usually take my coffee internally, but thanks anyway."

"Oh God, I'm sorry." She protested. She was so nervous.

"It's all right. I am sure I deserved that." He looked down at the puddle of coffee he was standing in and shook out his left foot.

At that moment, the admiral stepped off the elevator. "Commander? Colonel?"

Everyone in the office came to attention at the sound of his voice.

"As you were." He scanned the commander up and down and looked to the colonel. "Well, I am glad you two have found a way to communicate. Commander, wring yourself out and be in my office in five minutes."

"Aye sir."

The admiral continued on to his office. People went back to work, and a yeoman came to clean up the mess. Harm looked back at Mac who was mouthing the words, "I'm sorry." He gave her a weak smile to let her know that it was not a big deal. Mac watched him head off to the bathroom.

Sturgis, who had watched the whole episode from the doorway, stepped up to Mac. "That is one way to break the ice."

"Scalding him with hot coffee?"

"He's right, he deserved it." Sturgis walked away and Mac headed to her office. She didn't need anymore coffee that morning.

86 Minutes Later 

**Mac's Office**

Mac was trying to focus on the file in front of her and prepare for opening arguments. She had to be in court that afternoon. Of course the prep was unnecessary and almost fruitless. She prepared until she was blue in the face the night before. She was understandably distracted since Harm was in the office discussing his future at JAG. The incident with the coffee was par for her day thus far. The case had to be postponed until this afternoon because the jail couldn't get her client there until after lunch time (the judge was less than pleased), her landlord called to say that the water heater in the apartment above hers "exploded" and her ceiling caved in, and her mechanic called to say that he was not sure what was wrong with the car, but it would be at least $500 to look at it. If it were any other day she would have gone home, crawled into bed and pulled the covers up. But it was not any other day.

She wanted to be there now that she knew that a decision would be made about Harm. He would have to talk to her, wouldn't he? He wouldn't just leave and not say anything at all, or would he? How bad had things really gotten between them? What if he decided to leave the Navy? He could. It might make it easier for them to talk about a relationship. On the other hand, it might mean that they would never have to deal with it. That was not a bad idea either. God knows with each of their track records the odds of something good coming out of a more serious relationship were very long. On the other hand –

Harm knocked on Mac's open door and called her name softly. She didn't hear him. He knocked again and she looked up. Her head was so full with the "what ifs" she was not sure what to do with the reality. He didn't look any different. He looked a little sad and a little tired, but he did not look like a man that was going to walk out of her life without looking back.

"Hi." She said weakly.

"Hi." He returned. "Do you have a minute?"

"I am getting ready for a case this afternoon." She said by way of explanation of what she was doing and in no way implying that she did not have a minute.

"We can do this another time."

"No, no. Please." She protested. "I was more than ready this morning, spent all night working on it. But it got postponed."

The 'working all night' comment was not lost on Harm, but he didn't quite believe her. "If you're sure?"

"Sure. Yes."

"Can we take a walk? I'll buy you some coffee."

She smiled and looked down at his uniform, which still bore the stain. Too bad they were his whites and not his blues. "Sure."

Break to the Tables Outside JAG Headquarters 

Moments later Harm brought two cups of coffee over to where she was waiting. Her coffee was just the way she liked it. They sat in a nervous silence for a moment.

"How did your meeting go with the admiral?" She started safely.

"Very well." Harm looked past her. "He has agreed to let me come back. He of course never filed my resignation and put in for my 60 days before I left. Even so, there will be a letter of reprimand in my file and on my next fit rep … well lets just say that I got off easy."

"He is a good man."

"Yes he is. A wise man too."

"Oh?"

"Disappointing him is something I do regularly, but not usually without merit."

They sat quietly for a moment. Harm looked back at her to see what kind of expression she had. He couldn't read it.

"You start Monday?" She asked.

"Yes."

"It will be good to have you back."

"I can imagine the work load has been heavier than normal." The chit-chat was killing him.

"That's not what I meant."

"I know." He smiled that smile. "So you don't have any issues with me rejoining JAG?"

"None at all, as I said it will be good to have you back."

"Right." He took a cleansing breath. "Look, I have been a little unreachable of late. I owe you an apology for that. I wasn't calling anyone back. I guess I needed sometime to see things from a better angle."

Here it was. What she had been waiting for. She took a deep breath. "Have you?" She paused. "Seen things from a better angle?"

"I have." He could barely make eye contact. What he was about to say was decisive. "I think you know how important your friendship is to me."

"As yours is to me."

"I have not been a good friend to you." He went on.

"I wouldn't say that."

"I would and I apologize."

She thought about arguing but changed her mind. "Accepted."

Harm looked past her again as he said, "This whole mess has made me realize that I was expecting something that could never . . . was never meant to be … " He looked back at her. "… between us. It nearly cost us both our lives and could have destroyed the trust and faith we have worked so hard to build over the years."

Mac was stunned. She did not know how to respond. He had a resolve that she had seen before. She had been on the receiving end of this conversation (or NON conversation) before.

He continued speaking quickly. "Trying to change the past or the reality of the present is a waste of time. Things are what they are and there are reasons for them. I may not like them. I may not even agree that they should be that way. There is no way to control feelings or changes in feelings." He paused for a moment. "Beating your head against the wall is painful, stupid and unproductive." He gave her a weak smile. "It is also a sure way of ruining what is right in front of you. So the best thing to do is to accept what is right in front of you, not look back, not pretend that there was something more than there was, stow the regrets and move onward."

He waited for her to respond.

Something in her snapped. How dare he make platitudes for their relationship? How dare he imply that what they were to each other – what they could be to each other was not worth fighting for? How dare he try to explain what she was feeling? The Arrogance! The sheer unadulterated arrogance! How dare he? She needed to leave and leave right then. "Is there anything else?"

"I was speaking for both of us Mac." He explained. "I want us to get back to where we were – friends, trusted friends."

She stood up. She smiled a little, well smirked actually. "Harm, do me a favor, don't speak for me. And don't presume to know what I am thinking or feeling. And never assume your know what it is I want." Her ire was building with each word she spoke.

"Mac – wait -."

"No, Harm. I am not waiting anymore." She started to walk away, but then turned back. "Do you want to know what really amazes me about you? You hunt for the truth like a bloodhound. If there is something you want to know, you will beat every bush, and turn over ever rock until you find it. No holds barred. You do that with everything in life – everything except your feelings. You will go to the ends of the earth for truth, justice and the American way, but not for yourself and certainly not for me."

"What do you call Paraguay?" He defended.

"It is real easy for you to put your life on the line." She challenged. "What about your heart?"

"Mac."

"You can't do it. I have asked myself a hundred times why that is. Not with Annie or Jordan or even Renee. I flattered myself into thinking that that was about me; that someday it would turn around. That someday you would open up to me, and me alone." She looked deeply into his face and did not find what she was looking for. "That someday is never going to come. The truth is, you just don't care enough. You just don't want to know enough; enough to find out; enough to put yourself out there; enough to do a damn thing about it."

"Mac."

"Well, sorry sailor, this ship had sailed. We will never go back to the way we were. I won't have it. Our association will be strictly professional on an as needed basis. That is all. I don't want your friendship and I don't want your care, concern or goddamn knight-in-shining-armor antics."

She stormed off with him staring at after her in amazement. Before he had a chance to understand what happened she stormed back. Now she was mad.

"For the record and since you'll never ask; I loved you. I have loved you since pretty close to the day we met, when I could get through that over inflated macho conceited arrogance of yours. I would have done anything for you. After that mess with Mic and we agreed to start again, I would have waited until the moon turned green. All you had to do was open your mouth once. How hard is that? And when you look back on this, on the us that might have been, and you will, remember that. All you had to do was say something … anything. But no more." She clapped her hand that finished the conversation. "Now I am done." She turned on her heel and walked purposefully away.

Her anger, her vehemence, her vitriol was startling. Like the moments before death a multitude of moments, missed moments flashed before Harm's eyes. His heart started to become heavy. What if she was right? What if he could have had her if only he would have put himself out there? What was it about Mac that made him not do what he had always done? He wanted more from Mac than you have ever wanted with any of those other women, including Diane. And that scared the hell out of him.

"That didn't go so well." Came a voice from behind Rabb. It was Sturgis. "Don't just sit there, man, go after her."

As if it was the command he was waiting for, Harm got up and followed after Mac.

Ground Floor JAG Headquarters 

He caught up with her just inside the doors.

"Mac!" He called to her. "Mac, wait a minute."

If the halls were not full of people that she knew and worked with, Mac would have continued walking. As it was she stopped but did not turn around. Harm got in front of her and was about to speak; he saw the fire in her eyes and the resolve on her face and words failed him.

"Good Morning, commander." Came a call from someone who Harm couldn't place at the moment. "Back to work I see."

Harm nodded. They need to get out of the hallway. He reached down and grabbed her forearm to lead her into a near by conference room, she pulled it forcibly away.

"With me Colonel!" He said with a command that usually did not work on her. "Do you want to do this out here?" He threatened. She relented. He opened the door to the conference room; it was empty. He allowed her to walk in front of him, which she did and put as much distance between them as she could.

"Why didn't you tell me all this before?" He accused, as if his misreading of her feelings was not his fault.

"To what end? To stroke your ego?" She dared him to speak. "You have enough women throwing themselves at you, I didn't want to be just another Rabb groupie."

"How is it wrong for me not to say anything but all right for you?"

"You knew."

"How? How would I know?" He was frustrated. "I think we need a little reality check here Colonel."

Just then a group of yeomen and other junior officers walked into the room. They were surprised that the room was not empty. They came to attention quickly and waited to be released. A young yeoman looked to Mac, "I'm sorry. Did you need this room ma'am? We reserved it for our study group."

"No, yeoman. It is all yours."

Mac started to walk out, but Harm caught her hand, and took her through the back door to the law library. It took him a moment to find a small study room that was not in use. He pushed her gently through the door, and closed and locked it behind him.

"Where were we?"

"I was just leaving." She started for the door, but he blocked her way.

"A reality check." He said. "How was I supposed to know? You have done nothing but keep me at bay for the last two years."

"Can't imagine why?"

"We both know why, marine."

"Don't you dare bring up my history!"

"I am not like the other men in your life, Mac. You could have told me."

"To what end?"

"To a different end than this!"

"You can't give me what I want."

"Now who is making assumptions?"

"I don't want to be your friend anymore Harm. It hurts too damn much. You dangle carrots; you make remarks that could be taken one of a hundred ways. I sometimes catch you looking at me and I go weak in the knees. But then nothing. With you it was all about anticipation, expectation and hope. A person can't live like that, not forever. Every night can't be Christmas Eve. I want the morning to come. I deserve to have someone in my life, clearly it is not you, but with you skirting around the outside, it won't be anyone else."

"So you pick Webb?"

"Webb? There is nothing between Clayton and me. You would know that if you ever saw passed your hurt ego and opened your eyes."

"Then why --."

"Why did I kiss him? You could have asked me this months ago, but no. You chose to make up your own mind about that too." She shook her head. "This is pointless. The bottom line is, you and I were never meant to be." She moved past him to the door and fumbled with the lock. She got the door open and he pushed it closed, preventing her from leaving and turned her around. Her back was against the door and he was looming over her. Damn every inch of his 6' 4".

She didn't look at him. He put his hand under her chin and tilted her head back until she looked him in the eyes. "Tell me."

She brushed his hand away. "I kissed him because I thought he was dying and the man saved me from a fate worse than death. I would have survived Sadik, but I would have wished that I hadn't. He would have tortured and raped me slowly right in front of Clay."

"You never should have been down there in the first place."

"That was not your call to make."

"I don't understand."

She laughed. "That's an understatement."

"I don't understand how you can kiss him but not –"

"Not you?" She looked him straight in the eye. "That is the one thing I thought you would have understood. You are the one who is always so careful not to say too much, or get too close." He shook his head. "Kissing you would mean – would have meant something completely different."

Harm looked down into her face. Her resolve and determination to walk away from him were still clearly evident. He couldn't let her go. With a desire that had been pent up for years, he pulled her to him and kissed her.

She pushed him back and pulled away. "It is not going to work, Harm. It is too late."

"I love you, Sarah."

She looked away and pushed him back.

"I love you Sarah." He repeated.

She shook her head.

He took released her and let her leave if she must.

As soon as she was free to go, she was unsure it she wanted to leave.

"Sarah, please."

She looked up into his face. For the first time, she believed that she saw what she had been looking for: he was in love with her – he knew it, she knew it, he knew that she knew and she knew that he knew. "Tell me what I am supposed to say to make you stay."

"A lawyer without an argument." She touched his cheek. "I have to go. I have to be in court in ninety-six minutes."

"Sarah."

"No, Harm." She smiled sadly. "I won't let you break my heart again." She walked out.


	2. 02

Tangled Up In You

Chapter Two

By LizD

Written Summer 2003

Spoilers – Through the End of Season 8

Tangled Up In You – Part 2

1830 EST

McKenzie Apartment

Mac arrived home after court; she nailed the opening arguments and was on her way to winning this case. The rest of her day had been quiet considering how disruptive her morning was. Harm of course was on her mind quite a bit. She was surprised to not find him waiting for her at the office or on her front door step. She knew the conversation with him was not over. He won't walk away now, not without a few more rounds, not since she told him that she loved him. That was stupid.

She could barely remember what he said to her or she to him; all she really remembered was her all powering need to be away from him. What did she say to him? What did he say? If she had to testify, there was no way she could. But what did the words matter, it was the intent. In the course of their seven years together, she never was able to figure out what he as thinking or feeling and the only intent that she could put her finger on was to push her away. He held everything so close to the vest. Could he read her? She knew that she was slightly more transparent than he was, but still – did he READ her? I don't think so or else things would be a little different. Wasn't that half the problem between them: reading each other? Rather MIS-reading each other; probably more than half the problem.

So let's review – what did he look like, what were his expressions, what could she glean from those interactions today? When he was first talking to her, telling her that they were destined to be "just friends", he looked like a doctor explaining to the family that the operation was a success but the patient died. Then when she was laying into him, he had that deer in the headlights look. She had never spoken to him like that. It felt good. To be that mad at him and let it all loose, was cathartic. Most people never took that chance. Then of course there was the last scene in the library. After he kissed her. She wanted to kiss him back. She really did, but something in her took over and told her "NO." No, she could not let him win. Then all she saw in his face was love and fear. Harm afraid? Afraid of what? Of her? Or of them? Of losing their friendship – more than a friendship? Oh God, this was for real. She panicked. Threw her hardest punch – figuratively – and bailed. "I won't let you break my heart again." Those words did echo in her ears. I guess she won, that round. Walking away from him with a statement of "never again" felt strong, felt determined, felt decisive. It was also total horse puckey. She knew it if he didn't. She was in the position of power and she trumped herself. She never did play this mating game well. Game? Win? Lose? Trump? Position of power? Were relationships supposed to be this complicated? This riddled with game metaphors? I didn't think so; on the other hand it wasn't called the battle of the sexes for nothing.

So how did it get so complicated? Back on the admiral's porch the night of her engagement party, he accused her of making complicated things too simple to which she said he made simple things too complicated. But was this . . . this thing . . . this issue . . . really Harm's fault? All Harm's fault? Certainly not 100, but more than 50? Maybe . . . on the other hand, maybe this whole meshugass was more her fault. Maybe she was rushing everything. Back in Sydney harbor she put his back against the wall and demanded an answer. What did he say? Location didn't change who they were? There was some truth to that. If he had said, implied or intimated anything it would have changed both their lives completely, and maybe not in a good way. God knows it would have complicated matters more if he had said or done what she wanted that night. But why didn't he? Did she read it as Harm had feelings for her that he was not comfortable expressing because of their close working relationship? No, she took it as he was either not interested, not interested enough or too afraid to make a commitment. So, what did she do? She turned to Brumby. Taking his ring, even as friendship ring, was wrong. She wanted Harm, she had always wanted him, but when he left her with a simple 'no' she had to do something. Did she take the ring to punish Harm? To make him jealous? Maybe. Or was it purely to save face? To prove to herself that she was lovable. More than likely it was that one. That whole thing got very confusing and she hurt Mic badly. It was very unfair, to everyone.

Now there was this misconception around Webb. Was it unreasonable for Harm to believe that she would turn to Webb? No, not at all. Her history had been being with the man who showed the most interest and since Harm would not let it be shown – at least not as overtly as people like Dalton, Mic and Clayton - it was not going to be him. He did ask her not to go; maybe she should have stayed and they could have actually worked it out. But Mac made decisions quickly and to go back on those decisions always felt like a sign of weakness. Mac was anything but weak especially as it related to men. Yeah, right.

There was a knock at the door. Had to be Harm, she wasn't expecting anyone else. She took a deep breath and opened it. The admiral stood before her looking sheepish and shy. Not his normal look.

"Good Evening, Mac." He said quickly. "I hope I am not disturbing you."

"No, sir." She stepped back to let him in the door. "Please come in."

"I won't take up much of your time."

"What can I do for you sir?"

"Did you talk with Commander Rabb today?"

In a manner of speaking, she did most of the talking, well YELLING. "Yes, sir."

"So you know he will be coming back to JAG on Monday?"

"Yes sir."

He looked nervous and shuffled his feet a little. "Colonel, I don't know how to say this."

"Sir?"

"This is none of my business, but actually it is my business and further more I care about the two of you."

"I'm not following sir."

"You and the commander."

"Strictly professional associates." She said a little too easily.

The admiral looked disappointed. "I see." There was a big part of him that hoped that they would some how work it out together. He would then have to deal with that issue, but at least his friends would be happy. Why couldn't they see what anyone who came within radar range of them took for granted? He took a moment. "So you will have no problem working with him as co-counsel or opposing counsel."

"I can't imagine that I would sir."

"And the commander?"

"You will need to ask him, but we are both professionals and dedicated to our chosen professions." She was very reasonable, like she was talking about working with someone of a different faith or ethnicity. The admiral was trying to read her expression. "Was there something else, sir?"

"No. Very well, colonel." He turned to leave. "If something should change such that you felt that you could not work together, please know that my door is always open for you."

"Yes sir. Thank you sir."

"Before you make any life altering decisions – like relocating or resigning, please come discuss it with me first."

"I will sir."

"You are a damn fine lawyer and a good friend, colonel."

"Thank you sir."

The admiral nodded. That last remark about her being a friend was true, but probably inappropriate. Why didn't the lot of them – from the admiral down to Tiner - just bag this Navy/Marine madness and open a jazz club together; so much easier on the nerves and with a lot less rules and regs to follow. "Sorry to have bothered you, Colonel."

The admiral left. Mac was impressed. It took a lot for him to come speak to her like that. He was not a touchy feely commanding officer (for obvious reasons) and what he just did showed a great deal of sensitivity and concern for her and Harm.

So where was she? Oh yes, Webb. Why did she take that mission with Webb? Were things just getting too comfortable with Harm? Too stagnant? On more than one occasion she wondered if Harm would ever try to advance their relationship to the next level. Was she was trying to make him jealous? She certainly never expected the mission to go as badly as it did, but a few weeks away with another man, might have been all that she needed to push Harm over that next hurdle. Oh my, did she just think that? Wow, now there was game playing for you; serious game playing. But that was not why she took the mission. She actually was flattered that Webb would ask her. Flattered to think that she could do something without the JAG support and without the rules and regulations that gave her safe boundaries. But look how it turned out. Harm had to save her life, he lost his job and they lost their friendship in the process. Hardly seemed worth it; to her, and probably to him, as well as their family and friends at JAG.

Oh, Harm. Harmon Rabb. What was it with him? Always the first to play hero; put his life on the line but afraid to show his feelings. Now look at them, they had both said they loved the other and they still weren't together. What did love have to do with it anyway? Egos. It was all about egos and pride and fear of commitment and abandonment. What did Sturgis say, 'leave before you get left'? Yeah, that was it. If they never got together, then they would never break up. One way to be sure never to lose a game was to never play. Of course, you reduce your chances of winning too. But that was another matter.

A knock came on the door. She jumped three feet. It was probably him, this time. What was she going to say? What was he going to say? How was she going to play this? How about you just don't play it at all and be real? The knock came again, followed by: "Miss MacKenzie, it is the super. I need to get into your kitchen." She sighed in disappointed relief. She opened the door and let the super in. He went to the kitchen and after much crashing and banging returned and told her that she couldn't use the stove and she might want to think about cleaning out the refrigerator, it will be down at least over night. She sent him on his way grateful to have her privacy back.

She went into the bedroom and considered taking a shower or a long hot bath, but she didn't want to be unreachable in case there should be another knock at the door or the phone should ring. Why don't you just call him, Mac? If you were dying to talk to him so much, call him. No, she was not going to do that, at least not tonight. But if he wanted to talk to her, she would be available. Was that game playing too? Or was it just a good idea not to start a conversation that you don't have a clue where you want it to go? Those lawyer skills working overtime, don't open a line of questioning that you don't know where it will lead and don't ask a question you don't know the answer to. Instead she changed into her favorite sweats (the ones that she had worn so much that she can't wear them out of the house anymore) and fluffy socks. It was time for a little old fashion comfort for Mac. A big bowl of popcorn and a sappy movie where she can cry was just what the doctor ordered. Hmm … any Ben and Jerry's in the freezer?

20:16 EST

Rabb Apartment

Harm's day went from good (he got his job back) to wretched (Mac's lambasting) to down right infuriating (wait 'til you hear this). He had every intention of catching up with Mac after court. He was there for opening arguments and the first cross. Damn, she was on fire. Maybe they should fight before every court appearance. Maybe not. She did not see him; she really was not looking to the gallery. Anyway, Bud found Harm in the back and whispered to him that they were towing his car. That was just the beginning.

They towed his car because his parking permit had expired. When he went to retrieve the car from impound, it was discovered that his credit card was maxed (construction will do it to you every time), his check book was in the car, but they would not let him near it and his naval ID had also expired. The MP's (a whole new batch who did not know him from Adam) tried to have him forcibly removed and he wound up needing to call the admiral to clear up the matter. The admiral of course found great humor in the whole mess and left him hanging for about two hours. He said he had meetings.

On the way home, he was cut off but two kids who borrowed (read: stole) their dad's car and ran it into a tree. They were fine – treated and released at the scene. But the father, who just happened to be driving by to see the whole incident, blamed Harm. Said he was driving too fast. After heated debate that the police needed to intervene between, Harm was told to leave the scene. The damage to Harm's car was minor; he could fix it. He thought discretion was the better part of valor. He left.

Finally he was home and able to remove his coffee stained uniform. He was going to speak to Mac tonight if he had to walk all the way to Georgetown, but he needed to calm down from the day first. A hot shower was in order, however the pilot light had gone out and there was no hot water. So now he was sitting there – rather leaning there (no furniture) in just a towel drinking his last beer waiting for the water heater to do its thing. He was trying not to allow himself to believe that all that crap that happened over the last several hours was an omen. He did not believe in omens. How long does a water heater take to heat up?

There was a knock on his door. It could be Mac. Maybe she decided that she wanted to talk to him. Good, that would save him from having to figure out what to say first. He couldn't greet her in just a towel. He pulled on shorts and a t-shirt. The knock came again. He opened the door fully expecting to see Mac. Nope. Bambi.

"Hi, Harmsy. I hope I am interrupting something." She said as she sauntered in.

"Bambi, I really don't have time right now." He started. "I have to be some place. I am late already."

"Now, Harmsy. I know you don't have to be anywhere? You are just playing hard to get." She wrapped her arms around his neck; he pulled them away quickly.

"Bambi, you have to listen to me. Nothing is going to happen between us."

"Aren't you attracted to me?" She sidled up next to him.

"You are a very attractive young woman and I am sure there are plenty of young men who would be interested. But not me."

"Why not?"

"There are many reasons, not the least of which is that your father, brother and uncle would kill me. And I don't think your mother would be pleased either."

"My family likes you."

"They don't like me well enough to date their nineteen year old daughter."

There was another knock on the door. Harm's face melted clean away. Here we go again: Mac showing up and finding another woman there. Oh for the love of Pete. He took a deep breath and went to the door. Might as well get it over with. He opened the door to reveal - Sturgis.

"Sturgis?"

"Harm. Bambi." He smiled at Harm who gave him a 'save me' look. "Bambi, now just what are you doing here on a school night."

"I don't have class in the morning, Sturgie." Sturgis was also an old family friend. Old enough for both Harm and him to remember little Bambi running around in pig tails and rompers.

"Bambi, you will have to excuse us. Sturgis and I have some business to discuss." Harm was trying to lead her to the door.

"Dry, boring, Navy lawyer business I bet." She whined.

"I am sure you won't find it interesting." He opened the door.

"OK, I'll go. But I'll see you both this weekend at the picnic."

The men nodded and she was gone. Harm looked at Sturgis. "Thank you."

"They need to put a leash on her."

"Are you going to tell General Muenster that his beautiful baby daughter isn't a baby anymore?"

"She is more than that. She is dangerous."

"Don't I know it?" Harm looked away. "I'd offer you a beer, but I don't have any."

Sturgis looked around and saw that the place was devoid of any furniture. "I love what you have done with the place. Taking minimalist a little too literally."

"Funny. You ought to do stand up. So are you here to bust my chops?"

"I just stopped by to see how you were doing."

"You saw Mac."

"I saw her in court and knew something must have lit a fire under her. So I guess you two did not work it out."

"I screwed up. I screwed up badly."

"I know."

"You could have told me before."

"I have told you many times. You just weren't ready to hear it."

"Next time try a baseball bat."

"You think there will be a next time?"

"Oh," he exhaled everything he had. "I don't know."

"Do you want there to be a next time?"

"I am not ready to let go of this time."

"Well that is good, I guess. Decisive. Determined. Resolute. What are you going to do?"

"How should I know? I'll start with talking to her again, but what I am supposed to say?"

"What do you want to say?"

"Well first of all, this is not 100 my fault."

"Not sure that should be the first thing out of your mouth."

"I could defend myself, show her how her actions forced my reactions."

"I am sure that will win her heart."

"No matter what I say, it will be a fight. Debate actually. Maybe I should take her to court."

"After her performance today, I am not sure I would want to be sitting opposing counsel on something this big."

"So you are saying I should I just suck it up and apologize."

"Another way to go."

"Are you helping me?"

"Didn't say I was going to help, just said that I was here to see how you were."

Harm shook his head. He pulled himself up onto the counter and rubbed his face in with his hands. "This whole thing is so out of control."

"Why?"

"We work together. Do you know how complicated things would get if we . . . you know . . ."

"Slept together?"

"No. Well yes, but no. I don't want to sleep with her. I mean I do, but not just that. Relationships with women are impossible."

"I think they say the same thing about men." Harm looked frustrated. Sturgis ventured forward. "What are you worried about?"

"What if it is not all we – I have built it up to be. What if is the exact WRONG thing to do?"

"So, you break up. No hard feelings."

"Right, and go back to work the next day like nothing is different."

"You have never had a problem maintaining a friendship with a woman after things went south, what makes you think you can't this time?"

"Mac is different."

"Different how?"

"I don't know. She is just different."

"You are not making any sense."

"I know. Look Mac has had a lot of trouble with men in her past."

"Her present too it would appear."

"I don't want to be just another guy who let her down."

"So you would rather be the one that never took a chance – well that is different from the others I suppose."

"Thanks for stopping by, do you really have to leave so soon?" Harm said good heartedly.

"So you are thinking Mac won't be able to handle life after the Great Harmon Rabb."

"You can be such a jerk sometimes." He tossed his beer bottle into the garbage. "I think we move forward we can take a complicated yet workable situation and turn it into a seriously dysfunctional one. One that both of us would regret."

"What are you going to do?"

"I am going to take a long hot shower, get dressed and drive over to her apartment."

"It is getting late."

"I'll get permission from my mother to stay up past my bed time."

"You think you are going to hash this out tonight?"

"Don't try talk me out of this Sturgis. I know her better than you do. If I don't talk to her tonight – it will be another nail in my coffin – hell I should have been there when she got home."

"So even if you don't know what you are going to say or do, you will push another confrontation? You don't think that will cause serious damage?"

"A little late for that now."

"Do you even know what you want?"

"I know what I want, I just don't know if it is still an option – hell it may never have been an option – and I don't know if what I want is good for me or her."

21:36 EST

MacKenzie Apartment

Mac was wrapped up in a blanket on the couch. There was a half eaten bowl of popcorn, three cans of soda and an empty pint of Ben and Jerry's Caramel Fudge Swirl sitting on the coffee table. She was casually flipping through the channels not really watching anything. She had expected Harm to call or come by. She was grateful that he hadn't, but surprised that he didn't. Her life would be so much less complicated without men in it – particularly that man. What was she supposed to do, call him? To say what? Apologize? She didn't want to apologize. She meant everything she said. Well most everything. Except for the part about breaking her heart. He didn't break it, she just gave such a big piece to him that she felt empty – broken. Since he apparently didn't want it; she wanted it back. How do you get back a piece of your heart?

CLICK – change the channel.

**Kip Lurie** Lawyers should never marry other lawyers. This is called "inbreeding," from which comes idiot children and more lawyers.

CLICK – Change the channel

**Charlie** What do you wanna do? Just drop down on the tile and go for it?   
**Maverick** No, actually I had this counter in mind.  
**Charlie** Great, that would be very, very comfortable, yeah.  
**Maverick** It could be.

CLICK – Change the channel

**Anne Osborne** It's Okay. I have never had much luck with sex.  
**Remy McSwain** (jumping on the bed kissing her) Your luck is about to change.

CLICK – change the channel.

**Amanda Bonner** What I said was true, there's no difference between the sexes. Men, women, the same.  
**Adam Bonner** They are?  
**Amanda Bonner** Well, maybe there is a difference, but it's a little difference.  
**Adam Bonner** Well, you know as the French say...   
**Amanda Bonner** What do they say?  
**Adam Bonner** Vive la difference!  
**Amanda Bonner** Which means?  
**Adam Bonner** Which means hurrah for that little difference.

CLICK – change the channel.

**Maverick:** . . . When I fly I have you know that my crew and my plane come first.

**Charlie:** I am going to finish my sentence Lieutenant, my review of your flight performance was right on.

**Maverick:** Is that right?

**Charlie:** That is right, but I held something back I see some real genius in your flying Maverick but I can't say that in there, I was afraid that everyone in the tax trailer would see right through me and I just don't want anyone to know that I've fallen for you.

CLICK – change the channel.

**Oliver Barrett IV** Love means never having to say you're sorry.

CLICK – change the channel.

David Addison: I'll tell you what I don't believe in. I don't believe in wasting anymore time. Two years of is you is or is you ain't.

Maddie Hayes: Two years of bees being and ducks ducking. And a man who thinks culture is dark beer. This is ridiculous. I'm miserable.

David Addison: So am I.

Maddie Hayes: Yeah, well, I may have just let the best thing that ever happened to me walk away and look at me, here I am, spending the evening having another pointless argument with you.

David Addison: Fine.

Maddie Hayes: Fine.

David Addison: Good.

Maddie Hayes: Good.

David Addison: Bitch.

Maddie Hayes: Bastard.

SLAP

Maddie Hayes: Get Out.

SLAP

Maddie Hayes: Get Out.

ABORTED SLAP

Music Up

KISS

Caress

HOT KISS

On the floor

HOTTER KISS

Coffee table – out of the way!

HOTTER HOT KISS

Roll across the floor

OH MY KISS

Watch the andirons!

CLICK – TURN IT OFF

She sat for a moment. Why didn't he come by?

A knock came on her door. It was a soft knock but she heard it. It had to be him. No one drops by at 9:58PM. She sat motionless on the couch for a moment, not really knowing what she was going to do. The knock came again. Slightly louder this time, but still soft. She got up and went to the door. She looked through the peephole. Yep. It was Harm. He was looking down; she couldn't see his face. She took a deep breath and opened the door.

"Hi." He said nervously. She didn't know what her face looked like, what kind of expression she was wearing, but it could not have been inviting. "Can I come in?" He braved.

She stepped back to let him in and retreated to the safety of her blanket and the couch. He stepped over the threshold and closed the door behind him. He was about to flip the lock, but thought better of it. He made need an easy exit. He sat down in the chair opposite and surveyed the mess on the table. He would normally have made an offhand comment, but his heart wasn't into it.

After a moment of stiff and uncomfortable silence, he said, "What are we going to do, Mac?"

"Go to bed." She said flatly. He looked up at her shocked. Did she mean that they should go to bed - together? "I have court early tomorrow. I need to get some sleep." Oh – she wanted him to leave.

"I saw you today, you were very impassioned."

"What do you mean you saw me?"

"I was in the back of the courtroom for opening arguments and for the cross of the first witness."

"I didn't see you."

"Doesn't mean I wasn't there."

"What were you trying to do, throw me off?"

"No, of course not."

"I can't believe you would show up in court after the fight we just had." She was irate. "You were trying to sabotage me."

"WHAT!" He was getting annoyed now too. "If I wanted to throw you off, all I had to do was sit behind the prosecution table. Hell, Sturgis missed so many objections it was hard to stay quiet."

"Are you saying that I wasn't making cogent arguments?"

"I am saying that you over stepped your boundaries – as usual – and Sturgis was too blinded by your passion that he didn't know what to object to."

"I can't believe you are saying this to me."

"Mac, please you were leading the witness, drawing conclusions and assuming facts not in evidence."

"Not true." (Note to the reader: it wasn't true. Harmon Rabb the arrogant jerk just showed up.)

"I beg to differ with you counselor."

"I don't remember signing up for the Rabb Lecture on Cross Examination."

"You can still learn a thing or two from me."

"Why are you here? I don't need to listen to this in my own house." She stood up and moved to the door.

He stood up. "I didn't come here to fight with you."

"You never seem to get what you want, do you? Poor baby." She opened it for him to leave. "Good night. Thanks for dropping by, next time call first, or better yet don't come at all."

He was standing in the door looking down on her. There were times when he loved being 6' 4". He was imposing, when he wanted to be. He loomed over her and she stepped back. He closed the door and put his back against it. He was not leaving.

"I am not leaving. Not until we get a few things straight."

"There is nothing to get straight, commander."

"We are going to be working together and we can't have this kind of . . ."

"Anger, animosity, down right hatred for each other." She went too far.

The last part of her statement took him off guard. "Do you hate me Mac?" She folded and went back to the couch to clutch a pillow. "Jesus, Mac. Do you really hate me?"

"No." She felt defeated.

"Then why did you say that? Do you think I hate you?"

"No. Look, I'm sorry. You frustrate the hell out of me and it makes me say things I don't mean."

He laughed a little. "We are quite a pair." He slumped down onto the couch near (but not next) to her. "You frustrate the hell out of me and I don't say things I want to say."

"Harm."

"Mac." He reached over and picked up her hand with his. "Can we try to make some sense of this?"

"I don't know."

"Don't you think we should try?"

"I don't know. It might just make things worse."

"I don't see how that is possible."

"You need a bigger imagination."

He sat up and turned sideways on the couch to face her. She turned to face him.

"I'm sorry." He put arm over the back of the couch and let his hand rest on her arm. "I'm sorry I hurt you."

"Yeah, me too."

He smiled. "Sorry I hurt you?"

She smiled back. "Yeah."

"God help me, but I do love you."

"Why 'God help you'?" She got a little defensive.

"Because you are not an easy woman to love Sarah."

"Really?"

"You are headstrong and stubborn, independent and free thinking. You state your opinions like they are facts. And you have a wall up around you that is near impossible to scale."

"Are you talking about me or you?"

"I'm not like that."

"You better take a look in the mirror, sailor. You just described yourself to a TEE."

"I don't see that at all. I don't have a wall, I just --."

"Live by a set of rules."

"So do you?"

"In a manner of speaking. But not when it comes to -." She stopped. She was about to say love, but then she realized that this argument would be worse for her. She was in no position to accuse him of engaging in bad relationships when she had been in much worse that have taken her down the wrong path much further than he had gone.

"Not when it comes to what?" She shook her head. "What? Love? Relationships? I suppose I do impose a set of rules on my relationships that you don't." He laughed. "I don't think it has done either one of us any good."

"Would you have married Renee?"

"What?"

"I don't understand how a man your age who has been in a number of serious relationships, never thought of getting married."

"What are you asking me?"

"Is it a commitment issues? Or do you pick women that you know you don't want to marry? What?"

"This is odd coming from you."

"Why are you here? What do you expect to happen tonight?"

He was dumbfounded. She was all over the board. "Why am I here? We need to figure this out."

"Figure what out? There is nothing to figure. We love each other. So what. It doesn't have to mean any more than that. Nothing else need come from it. There are plenty of people in the world who love each other and are good friends."

"So now we are friends again? I thought you wanted nothing to do with me."

"I was angry with you." She smiled oddly. "But I am over it. We can be friends again." She didn't mean it.

"Don't think it is that easy, Mac." He waited for her to look at him. "Why are you so angry with me?"

She exhaled and tilted her head back and craned her neck. "I am not angry with you. I am angry with myself. I hate acting like a fool."

"Why are you a fool?" She looked away. "Mac, why do you think you are a fool?"

"Why do you think?" She snapped back at him.

"I wouldn't venture to guess."

"So let's keep it my secret."

"Mac." He pleaded.

"Why is this all on me? Why am I the one doing all the talking here? You came to see me, say what you have to say."

"I don't want us to be this disconnected."

"You don't always get what you want."

"But sometimes you get what you need – like a kick in the ass."

"Excuse me?"

"I was referring to me. Sarah, I don't what to be 'just friends'." Did he just say what she thinks he said? "I don't love you like a friend." She exhaled and looked down. There was no getting around that. She got what she asked for, now what was she going to do? "And I feel something other than 'friendly' toward you."

He reached out to caress her cheek. She looked up at him. His eyes were intent and sincere. He wanted her and, no, it was not in a friendly way. "Mac. Sarah." There was a brief pause as each summoned up the nerve to do what came next. They leaned in and kissed. It was a wonderful, soft, loving kiss between two people who truly care for one another. It was not a next-stop-wild-monkey-sex kiss; it was real love. It ended with a very sweet embrace. Neither one of them had ever felt safer, warmer, more protected in their lives. It was like finally realizing that all the pieces of the puzzle were in place.

Mac tightened her hold on him. She felt the tears well up in her throat. Before she lost all power of speech, she whispered in his ear, "This isn't going to work."

He tightened his hold on her, "I know."

Movie/TV Credits:

Maverick and Charlie are from TOP GUN.

Anne Osborne and Remy McSwain are from THE BIG EASY.

Adam and Amanda Bonner and Kip Laurie are from ADAM'S RIB.

Oliver Barrett IV is from LOVE STORY.

Maddie Hayes and David Addison from MOONLIGHTING (now there are two people who know how to fight).


	3. 03

Tangled Up In You

Chapter Three

By LizD

Written Summer 2003

Spoilers – Through the End of Season 8

Tangled Up In You – Part 3

0856 EST

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Commander Harmon Rabb stepped off the elevator Monday morning ready to be back at work. He had been gone for nearly sixty days and it was time to get to back to his life. He greeted everyone and accepted and returned the well wishes that he was back. Bud of course was non-stopping talking and trying to catch Harm up on all the office goings on including how Colonel MacKenzie completely blew Commander Turner out of the water last week.

"She was very impressive, sir." Harm just nodded looking serious. He glanced toward her office. It was still dark.

He went to his own office to get settled back in. He did not bring all his stuff back, mainly because it was still in boxes in his garage and he didn't feel like digging it out. The only thing he did bring was the model of SARAH. Which took a prominent place on the credenza. There were some case files on his desk that were left for his review and he got to work on them right away.

There was a quick knock on the doorframe and Sturgis stepped into the room.

"Harm?"

"Sturgis. Come in. Sit down." He said matter-of-factly.

"Welcome back."

Harm nodded. "Thank you, good to be back."

"I'll bet. You missed the Muenster family reunion this weekend."

"I know. Not really in the mood."

"So, how did it go the other night?"

"The other night?"

"With Mac? I haven't seen or heard from you since you were determined to push another confrontation."

"Yeah, well. Not much to say." A darkness washed over his face.

"So? What happened?"

"What are you: an old mother hen or just a busy body? You were right, I was wrong. Enough said."

"What exactly was I right about?"

"Look, it doesn't matter." He went back to the files. "Mac and I have come to . . . an understanding . . . we agree. And let's just leave it at that."

"And you will be able to work together?"

"Yeah." He looked out toward the bullpen. Mac had just arrived. "We'll be fine . . . as good as can be expected under the circumstances."

"You're not telling me something."

"I am not going to give you a blow by blow."

"So there were blows?"

"Get out of my office, would you?"

"For what it is worth, I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry about. What is meant to be will be and what isn't isn't."

"Hallmark philosophy coming from you? Now you are scaring me."

"How about a little basketball at lunch?"

"Sure, but don't think I am going to go easy on you."

"Easy on me? It is me that should go easy on you."

Sturgis was just about to walk out, when Mac appeared in the doorway.

"Good morning, commander." To Sturgis.

"Colonel."

"Commander," to Ham. "Welcome back." Her expression and tone of voice betrayed nothing.

"Thank you." His didn't either.

"The admiral would like to see all of us in his office, immediately."

Admiral's Office

Commander Rabb, Commander Tuner, Colonel MacKenzie and Lieutenant Roberts all entered his office.

"Reporting as ordered, sir." Commander Rabb taking the lead. Back less than an hour an already in charge.

"At ease." The admiral looked up over his glasses. "Commander Rabb, nice of you to join us."

"Thank you sir."

"Do you think you still remember how to be a lawyer?"

"Like riding a bicycle, sir."

"We'll see about that." He picked up a file on his desk. "Saturday night Petty Officer Markus Valentino disappeared during the third watch aboard the Evergreen."

"The Evergreen is a destroyer, isn't it sir?" asked the lieutenant.

"Yes it is, lieutenant."

"And I believe it is in the process of being decommissioned."

"Right again, would you like to try for Final Jeopardy?"

"Well, sir. They say the boat is haunted."

"Very good, lieutenant."

"Haunted, sir?" Harm asked.

"Yes, sir." The lieutenant continued. "There have been a number of unexplained accidents and more sailors have gone UA from that ship than any other ship in the fleet."

"What does that have to do with being haunted?" Harm asked.

"Well sir, when the sailors were found; they had no memory of leaving the ship or getting to where it was they were found."

"Sounds more like alien abduction." Mac offered from the back of the room.

"You won't find any ghosts, commander. Or little green men, colonel." Said the admiral. "Lieutenant since you apparently already know the back ground, you take lead on this investigation with Commander Rabb watching that you are not beamed up." He handed the commander the file.

"Yes, sir." Said the lieutenant nervously. "Sir, I am getting ready for the Lucsonne murder trial. Opening arguments are Thursday."

"Right. Ok well then, Colonel, your plate is clean after your resounding victory on Friday. You and Rabb, do a little ghost busting."

The room stilled as if all the air were sucked out a once. People tried not to look at either of them, but could not help themselves.

"Is there a problem?" The admiral said rhetorically.

"No sir." Said Mac.

"None, sir." Agreed Rabb.

"Good. Turner I have a little something for you too. It seems that there was a different kind of haunting on the Carver."

"The submarine, sir?"

"It seems the weapons officer, a Lonnie Anderson, brought a cat on board before they deployed."

"A cat sir?"

"Not just a cat, a pregnant cat. They were underwater for six months under war conditions. When they finally came up for air, there were nine cats running around that boat."

"Nine?"

"Conduct unbecoming, cruelty to animals, insubordination . . . the captain wants that officer's hide."

"Yes sir."

"See if you can make it go away, I don't need that ASPCA or Sailors Against Cat Fanciers on my doorstep."

"Yes sir."

"All right people, dismissed."

"Aye Aye sir."

They all turn to leave. "Commander Rabb, a moment."

Rabb remained behind.

"Yes sir."

"In order for this office to run effectively and smoothly, I need to know that I can assign my staff to any project at any time for any reason in a combination that I deem is appropriate. I need to know that everyone on my staff can put his or her personal issues on the back burner and work together in a cohesive fashion. I don't need or want any kind of disruption over something that has no business under this roof. Do I make myself understood?"

"Perfectly sir."

"Is there going to be a problem?"

He thought for a moment. He thought about playing dumb. He thought better of it. "None sir."

"See that it stays that way."

"Yes sir."

"Dismissed."

"Aye Aye sir."

Rabb left.

In the bullpen the group was laughing about the haunting of the Evergreen. Bud was not laughing. Harm approached and it got a little stiff.

"So welcome back, commander." Said Harriet.

"Thank you Harriet. You are glowing; absolutely glowing." He kissed her cheek.

"Thank you sir." She leaned into her husband a little. "Sir, will you be able to make it for dinner this Friday? Colonel, commander you both invited as well."

"Sure, I can be there." Rabb said.

"Thank you Harriet, a home cooked meal sounds wonderful." Turner offered.

"I will need to check my calendar, Harriet. Can I get back to you a little later?" Mac's voice was flat.

"Sure thing."

"Colonel?" Harm said holding up the file. "Your office or mine?"

"Yours in an hour, I have some unfinished business." She stepped away. Harm nodded and retreated to his office.

"Got some cat wrangling to do of my own." Turner left.

Harriet and Budd were looking from Mac to Harm.

"What do you think?" Harriet asked.

"Not sure. Either they are incredible actors -."

"We know that isn't true."

"Or they have come to a mutual understanding."

"In what universe?"

"Or this is the calm before the storm."

Bud stepped away. "More like Hurricane Harm-n-Mac. We better baton down the hatches."

Sixty-three Minutes Later

Rabb's Office

Mac was sitting at his desk reading through the file. Harm entered with two cups of Starbucks. Mac did not look up.

"I said an hour, commander."

"Yes ma'am. Sorry I am late ma'am." He placed the coffee down in front of her. "Caramel Cacchiato. Your favorite." She made no reply. "It has a lid on it so you won't 'accidentally' spill it."

At that she looked up. He had that damned grin on his face. Who told him that charm would get him through in life? "I thought we had an agreement, commander." She went back to reading the file.

"So I can't buy you a cup of coffee?" He looked disgusted. "Fine." He leaned down to pick up the cup. She reached it before he did and moved it out of his grasp.

"Thank you." She mumbled.

"Welcome."

"Don't let it happen again."

"No ma'am." He started to shut the door.

"Leave it open, commander."

He did and took a seat opposite. "So what do you think?"

"I think we are taking a little field trip to Norfolk."

"My thoughts exactly." He reached for the file and she sat back away from him. "But first --."

On that Petty Officer Coates came in with an armload of files. "Sir do you want these in here? The conference room is available."

"What are those?" Mac demanded.

"Files from all the other sailors who have gone UA from the Evergreen." He looked up at Jennifer and was surprised that there were that many. "The conference room would be great. Thank you."

"You are not seriously entertaining the notion that the boat is haunted or that these men were abducted by aliens?" She was appalled.

"Why not?"

"You should call Mulder and Scully to help us out on this one."

"Who?"

"Need to get yourself a TV Rabb. The X-Files? Nine seasons of will they or won't they? Did they or didn't they?"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Forget it." She stood up. "Looks like we have some reading to do." She picked up her coffee and left.

In The Conference Room

Mac and Jennifer were on one side of the table and Harm was on the other. They had spread the reports out by date. It seems that in the twenty-one year life span of this ship more than fifty men have had unauthorized absences. Of those fifty plus men, twenty-six could not be explained. All officers and all reported missing during the third watch and all were found in a town that they had never been before some sixty to a hundred miles away from the ship. None of them had memories of how they got there.

"Damned convenient of them to not remember how they got there." Harm stated.

"Men often conveniently forget what they don't choose to remember." Mac countered.

Coates felt the tension and tried to ignore it. No good.

"So what do you think, Petty Officer?" Harm dragged her in.

"Sir?"

"Do you think these men – all these men – are liars?"

"That seems pretty hard to believe, sir."

"Not for me." Mac said under her breath.

It was noted by the other two but not responded to. "So how did this ship get the reputation of being haunted?" She asked.

"It seems," Harm started. "That on the maiden cruise there was an accident. The boat did not get five miles off shore before there was an explosion in the engine room. Eight men lost their lives."

"So now these eight men haunt the ship?" Mac was amused.

Coates tried to help. "There are numerous reports that gauges were changed, large objects were moved, doors that were secured opened on their own and voices were heard in empty compartments."

"Things that go bump in the night." He nodded to Coates who was really trying to stay out of this.

"Are you suggesting that we entertain the possibility that the ship is haunted?" Mac continued.

"All possibilities should be entertained." He said.

"Right."

"How would a haunted ship or a ghost get a sailor to go UA?" Jennifer was trying to be serious, but this is so ridiculous even in her ears.

"Please, Petty officer, speak freely." Harm encouraged.

"Well, sir. The ghost could inhabit the man's body and . . . you know . . . compel him to leave the ship."

"Now we have ghosts taking human form?" Mac shook her head. "I can't go to the admiral with that."

"We are at the beginning of the investigation, Colonel." He scolded. "Please try to keep an open mind."

"That is pretty funny coming for you?" She jabbed and he glared. "Can we try to stay in the real world and entertain notions of what might really have happened?"

"All options should be considered." He said. "You certainly aren't dismissing out of hand the possibility that ghosts or other unexplainable events exist, not with the visions you have had."

"All I am saying is that usually the obvious answer is the one that is correct."

"Obvious to whom?" She glared at him. "Thank you Petty Officer." Jennifer just nodded. She felt like she was at the dinner table and Mom and Dad were just about to break into a huge fight. Good thing Harm and Mac were nothing like her real parents, she knew that there would be no throwing of food or sharp objects. She wasn't as sure about the death threats.

"What else can we get from these reports, Petty Officer?" Harm asked.

"Well," Jennifer started tentatively again. "This ship had the poorest fit rep in the Navy."

"Why is that?"

"Can't say sir, but nearly everything on the ship has been replaced two or three times. It has had more captains, officers and crew than any other. It was basically the ship that they send screw ups to. If you'll excuse me."

"Oh, kind of like Australia?" Harm jibbed.

"I think it is what is known as a lemon." Coates continued trying to cover for his remark.

"They kept it in service for twenty one years for some reason." Mac said not looking up.

"But if you notice, it has never seen one day of battle."

"A destroyer that never got a chance to destroy." He looked over at Mac. "I know how it feels."

"A destroyer that never had a chance of destroying was kept from killing everyone one aboard. Seems like good tactics."

"The ship should have been scrapped the day after its maiden voyage. It could have saved a lot of time and money and needless energy."

"If they had scrapped it they never would have known -."

"Know what? That is should have been used as a target?"

Jennifer stood up. "Ma'am, Sir. I need to check in with Lieutenant Roberts."

"Thank you Petty Officer, you may go."

"Thank you ma'am." She left and none too soon.

As soon as the door was closed, Harm looked back at Mac. She had her face in the files. He smiled. She was less than amused.

On the Basket Ball Court

Harm and Sturgis were getting near the end of their game. Both were covered in sweat and clearly enjoying the rivalry. Harm stole the ball, broke hard right and charged up the side, laid it up for a perfect dunk.

"That is game, buddy boy."

Sturgis leaned over and put his hand on his knees. He was breathing pretty hard. "You got it going on today, brother."

"Being back to work, got to love that 9 to 5."

"You just like how you look in uniform."

"Makes heads turn." Uh oh. Now he has done it. Opened the door for Sturgis to ask again about Mac.

"So, Harm, you seem to be dealing with this whole thing pretty well."

"Whole thing?" He tried to play dumb. "Oh you mean with Mac. Look it is no big thing. We talked it through. We were never really right for each other. God knows we fight about everything. It was all that built up anticipation. People thought we should be together and I guess we started believing our own press. But now we are fine."

"She doesn't seem fine."

"It will take her a little time to understand where the line is drawn in the sand and how close she can get to it."

"You don't have that problem?"

"Look, I lean over the line; I lean over it a lot, but I don't cross it. That is the fundamental difference between me and Mac."

"So you are telling me I should drop it?"

"Yes I am."

He threw the ball at Harm's chest. "Consider it dropped."

In the Conference Room

Mac was sitting at the table reading through the files. She had at least six she was comparing. She had stayed through lunch to get some work done and was grateful when Harm announced he had an engagement for lunch. Jennifer came back after checking in with Bud and continued to help them the rest of the morning. But when Harm left and Mac told Jennifer to go to lunch too. It was very nice to be alone.

Harriet poked her head in. "Do you have a moment, ma'am?" So much for that.

"Of course, Harriet." She motioned for Harriet to come in. "What can I do for you?"

Harriet entered and sat down caddy corner from her. "Nothing for me, ma'am. I was thinking about you."

"Me?"

"Yes, ma'am. I know how difficult it must be for you."

"Difficult?" She was either playing dumb or she was really confused by Harriet's demeanor.

"Yes, ma'am. Now that commander Rabb is back and things are not . . . well not as they used to be."

Mac leaned back in her chair and thought for a moment. "Harriet if we are going to have this conversation you should call me Mac."

"Yes, ma'am." She smiled.

"There is no situation with the commander. We are professionals. Our professional relationship is all that either one of us are concerned with maintaining."

"Really?"

"Yes, Harriet."

"I thought that – well I was under the impression that --."

"No. It turned out for the best. Really. Believe me."

"Really? You can just do that? Just be over it." She shook her head. "Are you going to be able to work together?"

"I don't see why not. We have worked together for seven years, there is no one I respect more in the court room."

"What about the rest of it? Socializing. Will you be able to be at my table for dinner without it being . . . sticky?"

"Harriet, we are both adults. I think we can break bread with each other – on a limited basis. And we are AJ's god parents, neither one of us will let what is going on with us affect that responsibility."

Harriet rose to leave; she paused and looked back. "For what it is worth, I am sorry it turned out this way."

"Thank you Harriet."

She left and Mac took a deep breath and let it out slowly. This was going to be much more difficult than she thought. If anyone had asked her a week ago if her life would take this turn she would never have bet money on it. Harm walked in looking vital and vigorous after his game with Sturgis. He had a bag from Beltway Burgers and one from the Noodle House.

"Did you eat?" He said as he dropped the burger bag down next to her.

"Had a salad."

"That'll get you through the next fifteen minutes."

"You can't keep doing this, Harm."

"Doing what?"

"Being nice to me like this."

"Why not? Just two people working together being civil."

She shook her head disapprovingly.

"You have to give me points for even ordering that slop. I can hear your arteries slamming shut right now."

She glared at him. "So now you are trying to kill me."

"Fine. I'll give it to Bud." He started to take the bag away. "Are you sure?" She took the bag back and rolled her eyes. "So what have you found?" He leaned over her shoulder to see what she was working on.

"Well all the reports seem to read exactly the same."

"Meaning."

"All the men were on third watch and were discovered no less than three days later about 60 miles from the ship."

"Good thing none of these happened at sea."

"Hmm. That is interesting."

"What?"

"The UAs only happened when the boat was docked in its home port."

"What do you make of that?"

"Not sure."

Harm had gotten pretty close to her. Too close.

"Commander, please step back."

He turned his face toward hers. They were inches apart. "Where is Coates?"

"She is working with Bud this afternoon." She was not looking at him.

"Just you and me?"

"Looks that way." She looked very uncomfortable. "Commander, step back."

"That's not what you said last night." He whispered in her ear.

She turned to look at him with a shocked expression on her face. Before she had a chance to say anything, he kissed her. She pulled herself away, pushed back from the table, and walked toward the door.

"We had an agreement, Commander." She scolded.

"I am aware of that." He was following her slowly toward the door.

"This is totally inappropriate and NOT what we talked about." She reached the door and put her hand on the knob.

"I guess I misunderstood our agreement." A few more steps and he would be on top of her.

"Willful disregard of a fellow officer, conduct unbecoming, noncompliance, unlawful detention – I can have you court martialed for this." He took that last two-steps.

"I guess I'll need a good lawyer."

"Good thing I am a good lawyer."

She flipped the lock on the door, grabbed him by the lapels, pushed his back against the wall and kissed him. He of course responded. This was still a couple steps down from a next-stop-wild-monkey-sex (NSWMS) kiss, but closer. A lot closer. They looked like they were pretty good at it too. Very good at it. It couldn't have been their first time. No issue with nose placement or where the hands – WHOA! Colonel! Um. We'll have to edit that in post. Still, it seemed very out of place in that room, in those uniforms and . . . wait . . . what? They are kissing? But I thought . . . Huh? What just happened here? What actually did happen the other night? What is this agreement that they had? Am I missing pages? Where is the script girl?

Please stand by … … … … … … … … … … … …


	4. 04

Tangled Up In You

Chapter Four

By LizD

Written Summer 2003

Spoilers – Through the End of Season 8

Tangled Up In You – 4 Alt

Sarah MacKenzie's Apartment

Late in the Evening on Thursday Night

"I don't want us to be this disconnected." Harm said.

"You don't always get what you want."

"But sometimes you get what you need – like a kick in the ass."

"Excuse me?"

"I was referring to me. Sarah, I don't what to be 'just friends'. . . . I don't love you like a 'friend'. . . . And I feel something other than 'friendly' toward you."

He reached out to caress her cheek. She looked up at him. His eyes were intent and sincere. He wanted her and not in a friendly way. He softly spoke her name. There was a brief pause as each summoned up the nerve to do what came next. They leaned in and kissed. It was a wonderful, soft, loving kiss between two people who truly cared for one another. It was real love. It ended with a very sweet embrace. Neither one of them had felt safer, warmer, more protected in their lives. It was like finally realizing that all the pieces of the puzzle were in place.

Mac tightened her hold on him. She felt the tears well up in her throat. Before she lost all power of speech, she whispered in his ear, "This isn't going to work."

He tightened his hold on her, "I know."

What did he know? Why won't it work? What 'this' is she referring to? Well the pieces were in place, but the picture was still unrecognizable.

For so long it had been about denying the feelings; about not actually saying the words; about keeping each other close but never crossing the line. There were stolen moments and long looks and daydreams that were never expected to come true. But now the feelings were acknowledged, the words were spoken; the line was crossed - for all intents and purposes. There was no denying that. The safety bubble that they had kept their relationship in was broken. Could they keep going in that direction? Could they follow through with was would normally happen next? It would have meant jeopardizing everything they had worked so hard for over the years, every thing they fought to protect. No. How could they possible risk that? The only thing to do, the wise and prudent thing to do, was to try to salvage what they could and put this day, their declarations and their feelings in perspective. It wasn't going to work.

Why? Why wouldn't it work? They came together in anger and the regrets would soon over take them. Just this morning he was willing to let her go. Let her be with Webb. Just this morning Mac was trying to convince herself that his presence in her life was not important. It wasn't what either of them wanted, but the fact that they were willing to settle for so much less meant something. It meant that they were not really ready to take the next step.

After a moment, he pulled back to look at her and drew a weak smile from somewhere inside of him. She wasn't crying, she was just incredibly sad. At least that is how she looked – incredibly sad. The only thing she saw in his eyes was her disappointment reflected back. She caressed his cheek and brushed his hair back. Her sad smile faded.

"You should go." She said.

"Yeah." He whispered but did not move. He was unwilling to let her go. She put her head against his shoulder and he pulled her closer.

It was an extraordinarily sad thing that two very smart people who loved each other couldn't figure out how to be together. But they couldn't. They knew it and they knew why. Neither one could let go. No amount of talking or arguing would change that. Harm was holding on like he always did. It was the only thing he knew. And Mac – well Mac was following his lead, like she always did with men. Tigers and stripes, leopards and spots, Harm and Mac. Giving up what they knew for something so unknowable was scary. And they were afraid. Afraid of what a deeper sexual relationship would mean, afraid of losing what they had, and afraid of losing themselves. With so much to win, there was too much to lose.

He moved to look at her, and she at him. He studied her face for a long time trying to read something in her that would tell him what to do. Was it there? She had asked him to leave, but did she really want him to go? Could he really leave?

Mac touched his cheek. What a gentle man. How could she not love him? How could she not desire to be with him in the most intimate way two people can be together? God knows it wasn't desire that was holding her back; it was her better judgment. She wasn't sure if what she was about to do was a mistake or fated, but she kissed him. It was a kiss full of passion, desire and complicated feelings. The kiss was returned ten fold.

"Stay." She said softly. "Stay with me for tonight. Just tonight."

Yes, he thought. They could have tonight. And tomorrow? They could go back to being friends.

His response was to wordlessly stand up and take her hand. She led him to the bedroom.

And there we left them. Left them to have their night. The one night they would allow for them selves to answer the question, to satisfy seven years of un-acted upon desire and to – for just a time – forget that the dawn will come; that the cold light of reality would intrude and prove yet again that they were not ready for anything more. They had the night.

Sarah MacKenzie's Apartment

Just Before Dawn

Harm had been watching Sarah sleep in his arms for the last hour. She looked so calm, so content, so relaxed. She was Sarah his lover, not Mac his friend, partner and some-time adversary. There were very few words spoken in that room, in direct contrast to the previous thirteen hours, which were full of so many words; words that could not be taken back, words that should have been said a long time ago, words that never should have been uttered aloud. It was time for him to leave. How were they going to face each other this morning? No, he needed to leave before she woke. The next time they saw each other, this night would not be talked about, discussed or acknowledged. It would be a secret they kept from everyone including them selves. It was the only way they could continue as they were, continue to work together, continue to maintain a friendship.

Mac pulled away from him in her sleep. This was his opportunity. Slowly and carefully he got up, dressed and slipped out into the living room. He got to the door and thought he should not leave without some acknowledgement of what happened between them last night. A note was too rude. To wake her to say good-bye was also wrong. What would he say? Thank you? I love you? I don't want this to ever end? I'm sorry? What? What could he possible say or do that could acknowledge how much she meant to him? How important last night was to him? What he could do was honor her wishes. She asked for one night and one night only. If he pushed any other agenda, it would be more than rude, it would be vulgar. His face washed with a deep sadness and disappointment. He hadn't agreed to one night, at least not verbally or even in his head. But he accepted her offer, and his silence was his agreement. He should have asked for more, but he didn't. He left.

Mac heard the door close. She had been awake. There was a part of her that wanted him to stay but the larger part was grateful that she did not have talk to him, or look in his eyes. The night had been perfect. And his leaving without some typical sentimental comment is exactly how it should be ended. It was too precious to ruin. They had six hours where nothing else in the world existed but each other. Six hours of no issues, no past and no future. His leaving without a word showed precisely how in sync they were. Finally, after seven years, their timing was right.

She felt the tears start to well up in her eyes. She forced them back, and got up to start her day. She had court and needed to be on top of her game. She showered, dressed and was the perfect little marine. She would attack the day and be all that she could be. She caught herself in the mirror. Who was that woman? Was that Colonel Mac MacKenzie? Or Sarah? He called her Sarah last night. She liked the sound of her name when he whispered it. She looked to the bed, picked up the pillow that was on his side and held it to her nose. She could still smell him. Emotions flooded from all sides, all she could do was force the tears back. She threw the pillow as hard as she could at the wall. It knocked over a lamp and disrupted a picture. She laughed at herself. Be careful what you wish for, Colonel Sarah "Mac" MacKenzie, for surely you will get it.

She quickly made the bed (hiding all evidence of the previous night), righted the picture and picked up the lamp. On the surface everything looked normal. On her way out she noticed something on the floor. It was Harm's watch. She picked it up and studied it for a moment. Did he forget it? Or did he leave it behind so he could come back? She stuffed it in her pocket and left. She had work to do.

Harm's Apartment

Later Afternoon

Harm had arrived home just as the dawn had broken. He had been working ever since. Working harder than he ever had. His apartment was nearly finished. Only a couple of boxes remained in the garage that needed to be unpacked. He was working on auto-pilot, his mind was a million miles away. He was convincing himself that he would do whatever she asked, anything to keep her in his life. If she wanted friends then friends it was. He would be the best damn friend she ever had. If they were never to have another opportunity like they had the night before, he could live with that. If he had to, he could live with that. He didn't know exactly how he could, be he would figure it out.

Never before had a woman so confused him. All the other women in his life were so easy, so predictable, so understandable. Diane wanted a career first which is why they hadn't get together before and wouldn't have lasted if they had. Annie wanted her husband back, and Harm could not be a ghost. Jordan just wanted his mind, not much when you consider what else he had to offer. But she did not know what to do with what he gave her. And Renee, well Renee was a special case. She pushed his limits, she crossed his boundaries, but in the end he did not open up to her because of her, it was in spite of her. It was Mac who he wanted to open up to, but back then there was Brumby. Back then! Back then is when he should have pursued her. Back then in Sydney harbor, back then when he went back to flying, back then when she quit JAG, back then when he took her flying in his SARAH. Back then is when he should have done something thing different from what he had.

"Only with you." The words he uttered on that damned boat in Sydney harbor. Why didn't she understand? Why couldn't she appreciate the "only with you" meant that he loved her as he had never loved another woman and it scared the hell out of him? Why couldn't she understand that "only with you" meant that if he felt less for her, he would have given her what she asked for? Why didn't she understand, that back there in Sydney harbor she was asking for too little? He wanted it all, or nothing. He was not ready for it all, but was totally unwilling to give just a little.

He was so lost in thought that he did not hear Webb come in.

"Rabb!" He yelled for the third time.

Harm came to his senses and was surprised to see Webb standing there. "Webb? What are you doing here?"

"I heard you were renovating?" He said surveying the work that was done. "Don't see anything different."

"There isn't."

"Well that is an idea, destroy everything and build it back exactly the way it was? Kind of like history repeating itself."

"What can I do for you Webb?"

"Aye, there is the rub. I am actually here to do something for you."

"Really?"

"Really."

"When have you ever done anything for me that was not in your own best interest?"

"There is a first for everything." He paused for a moment. "Thank you for saving my life."

"Your welcome – and it was in my own best interest to help."

"I know you didn't do it for me, but since I am walking and talking and taking solids, I will take the help wherever I could get it."

"Mac should never have been down there."

"I know that."

"You had no business taking her on such a dangerous mission."

"I know that too."

"You did it so that you could be close to her."

"Yes I did. It is not something I am proud of and hopefully I won't repeat."

"You won't, if I have anything to say about it."

"Funny, that is the other reason why I am here."

"Other reason?"

"Whether or not you have anything to say about it."

"I don't follow."

"You are in love with Mac." He laughed. "And sadly she is in love with you, or at least she thinks she is."

"What are you getting at?"

"Well, out of gratitude for you for saving my life and my respect for Mac, I am going to step aside – for now."

"Very magnanimous."

"But if you don't step up – you better step out of the way."

"Excuse me?"

"I will win her Harm."

"She is not a prize, Webb."

"I will win her and give her everything she wants or needs in life."

"If you think you can."

"I know I can. But I am going to give you one last opportunity."

"Thanks but no thanks. Mac and I are friends."

"That's it?"

"That's it."

"Her idea or yours?"

"Mutual."

"Then you are both fools."

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church Virginia

1900 EST

Mac was sitting in her office finishing some paper work from the case. She had won a resounding victory that day but did not feel like celebrating.

"Go home, Colonel." The admiral called from the doorway.

"Sir?"

"Go home. The paper work can wait."

"Yes sir." She started to pack up the paper work.

"Are you alright Colonel?"

"I am fine sir." She looked up at him quickly. "Why do you ask?"

"You just beat the pants off of Sturgis and you look like you just lost your best friend."

"No sir, I still have my best friend." He gave her a quizzical look. "I mean I wasn't aware that I looked like that. Nothing is wrong."

"I am going to dinner alone tonight. Meredith has some meeting or other. Would you like to join me?"

"Thank you sir, but I will take a pass this evening."

Sturgis knocked and entered. "May I interrupt?"

"Come in Commander. I am trying to convince Mac here to join me for dinner. How about we make it a celebration. Turner you're welcome."

"I lost sir."

"The justice was served. So what'll be commander?"

"Thank you sir, I would be happy to join you for dinner."

"Good. Mac?"

"Thank you sir. I don't feel much like eating. I am a little tired. Didn't get much sleep last night."

"Probably tossing and turning trying to figure out how to trounce me in court today." Turner offered. He knew that Harm had gone to see her and surmised that the conversation did not go well. He had not spoken to Harm that day, but the look in Mac's eyes was enough to let him gather that they had not resolved their issues. He would liked to have said he went easy on Mac in court knowing that she had a stressful evening the night before, but he didn't.

"Alright, Colonel. Another time."

"I would like that."

"Looks like it is you and me then Turner."

"Yes sir." The admiral left. Turner looked back at Mac. "Are you OK?"

"I am fine."

"OK." He nodded. "Strong work today."

"Thank you."

He left reluctantly.

Mac pulled Harm's watch out of her pocked. She would not go straight home.

2013 EST

North of Union Station

Harm had just finished. Well he finished about forty-five minutes ago but was surveying his work and organizing his clothes for Monday. He barely heard the knock on the door. He opened the door to Mac. She shocked him. He had been seeing her in his mind all day, but to see her at his door felt unreal.

"Can I come in?" she asked.

"Of course, please." He stepped back to let her in.

She came in and looked around. She was actually surprised that it was finished. "It looks --."

"Exactly the same, I know."

She looked back at him and held his gaze. "Well it was fine the way it was."

"Yes, yes it was. More than livable; more than tolerable."

"Sometimes there is no need to change things."

"Exactly. Leave well enough alone."

Without a word, she pulled his watch out of her pocket and placed it on the desk. He saw the move and was clear that he should not make any kind of remark about it. "How was court?"

She was wandering around the living area surveying the work. "I won. Well, as the admiral said, justice was served."

He watched her from the door. "I'll bet. Should have been there."

"Who? You?" She turned to look at him briefly.

"Yes. You have some very unique arguments and I appreciate that about you."

"You have never said that to me before."

"You know me Mac, why say anything if I don't have to."

"Right, less is less with you."

He smiled and laughed. "Ha Ha."

"Have you eaten?" She asked as she was inspecting the paint. "It is still wet over here."

"Yeah, I know. It'll be fine." He leaned against the closed door. "No, haven't eaten all day."

"I was going to head over to that little place around the corner. You know the one?"

"With the great desserts?"

"Yeah. I think I need to reward myself." She turned to look at him. The full length of the apartment was between them. "Would you like to join me?"

"Sure." He paused. "Let me call and see if we can get in." He picked up the phone and dialed a number he knew by heart. He picked up his watch to check the time and put it back down. "Hello, I would like to see if I can get a table for two. . . . Fifteen minutes? . . . TWO HOURS!" He looked over at Mac. "We can order delivery." She nodded. He turned back to the person on the phone and ordered two dinners and four desserts. He ordered for her what he knew she liked best. She was only slightly impressed that he remembered and surprisingly not annoyed at all at his presumption. He got off the phone. "It should be here in a half an hour."

"Good. I am pretty hungry."

"So tell me about the case."

They sat down and chatted like two old colleagues and friends discussing the case and reminiscing about cases in the past.

FADE to two hours later.

The dinners were eaten and the dirty plates left on the coffee table. They were each sampling the four desserts. Mac refused to try the praline pecan thing that he ordered.

"Come on, just take a bite. A small bite." He pushed the forkful up to her mouth and she reluctantly took it. It was gooey and some of the goo got on her lower lip. She was trying to lick it off.

"Good, messy, but not bad actually." She laughed.

He picked up a napkin and put it up to her mouth to wipe the rest away. She put her hand on his. The sensation of the touch shot through both of them like they had been struck by lightening. He pulled away first. He had promised himself that anything between them would be her call, but he had such a desire lay her down and love her til dawn. There was no way he would be able to resist for long and not at all if she were going to touch him.

"I should be going." She stood up.

"Sure. Thanks for coming by." He followed her to the door.

"Thanks for dinner."

"My pleasure."

"Should I stay and help you clean up?"

"I got it."

She opened the door and started to walk out into the hallway. He was going to follow right behind her, but she stopped and turned and he bumped into her. They were inches apart. Their eyes locked. She wanted him to kiss her; he knew it. He knew it as surely he knew his own name.

"Harm." Was that his name? He kissed her. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him completely. There was no resistance.

Fade to several hours later.

Harm – in boxers only - was in the kitchen getting some water. Mac – in his shirt only - came in from the bedroom. He handed her the glass he had been drinking from. She took it.

"This isn't going to work." He said.

She looked over at him. "I know."

"Sarah, I can't pretend like I don't have the feelings I have for you – not anymore."

"I know."

"Not after last night. Not after tonight."

"I know."

"We can't go back to being just friends."

"I know."

"Would you stop agreeing with me, please?"

"But I do"

"That's a first."

"I agreed with you just a little while ago." She nodded toward the bedroom.

"Ha – yeah. It is that kind of agreement that makes me wonder what the hell was stopping us."

"Me too."

"So now what are we going to do?"

"I don't know."

He turned toward her and leaned on the counter. This had to be her idea. He didn't want to influence her decision, well as much as he could. Mac had to be the one to ask for what she wanted. "What do you need from me?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"What do you need from me? It's a simple question."

"Simple how? Need from you in what respect."

"In all respects." He paused and took a deep breath. "Sarah, I would tell you all the things I am thinking, feeling and hoping for if you asked me."

"You mean you actually know what you are thinking, feeling and hoping for?"

"No," he laughed. "But I would make up everything just to give you an answer."

"What do you think this means for us?"

"I don't know." He took a moment. "I know that I won't let you walk away from me again."

"I am not planning on walking away."

"Good." They were silent for a long time.

"Harm, I'm scared."

"I am too."

"Aren't you going to tell me that I have nothing to be afraid of?"

"Why would I say that?"

"To be the MAN. To be the strong one. To be the one who calms my fears."

"Sarah this is un-chartered territory for both of us. I won't lie to you."

"I guess brutal honesty is better than a platitude." She paused for a moment. "This is what I want. This is what I need from you." She paused again and Harm waited patiently. "As much as you can, as much as you feel comfortable with and a little bit more, I want you talk to me. To keep talking to me, like we are right now. Open and honest and real."

"Talk to you?"

"Yes, I want you to keep me in the loop of what is going on inside your head. Not every little detail, naturally, but as it concerns me and us."

"I am not very good with that. Tonight is an exception."

"I know."

"I have always been better talking to you than anyone else." He nodded. "But I suppose that since the relationship has changed you might naturally assume that that might change too. I might revert to old ways." He nodded. "Ok. I can do that. I can make an effort not to shut you out."

"Ok." She smiled and touched his cheek.

"That's it?"

"That's it for now." She looked up at him. "Can I reserve the right to answer that question again?"

He looked past her into the future. Their relationship had already undergone a material change, and needs would change as their relationship did. She asked for the future. She didn't need to say anything else. That was all that he needed to know. "Yes, yes you can." He kissed her tenderly and brushed aside a stray hair. With a nice smile, he said, "We let go Sarah."

She nodded. "Lost our lifeline, didn't we?"

"Yep."

"How do you feel?"

"Surprisingly not as terrified as I thought I would. But that may change with the light of day."

"What are the odds that tomorrow will take care of itself?" She asked.

"Slim to none. How do you feel?"

"I feel . . . actually pretty good. I don't usually ask for what I want but it feels right."

"It feels very right."

"You are not going argue that you directed me? That I am actually not asking at all."

"Nope, not now." He paused. "But don't worry if you ask for something that is too much or too little, I will have some direction then."

"I should hope so."

He smiled. "What are you going to ask for next?"

Her confident grin turned sly. "Take me to bed, Harm."

He could get used to this. He took her to bed.

Chesapeake Bay

Sunday Afternoon

It was a glorious day. It had been a glorious weekend. Harm and Mac were sailing. They had not been apart since Friday night. They had talked some but hadn't really resolved anything other than the fact that they were now, undeniably on their way to the next level of a relationship. Each was struggling with the idea that they wanted life to go on as normally as possible with this one exception. However the 'one exception' was a pretty big exception and would basically ruin all possibility for normalcy. Could they have it all? Should they ask for it? Working together is what they knew and what drove them. If one of them had to leave, if they had to spend their days apart and catch up like normal couples at the end of the day, it would feel wrong; totally and completely wrong.

Mac was at the bow with her face to the setting sun and the wind in her hair. Harm was at the helm. She turned to look at him. He looked happy. He looked really happy. She joined him.

"Hey." She said.

"Hey."

"Penny for your thoughts."

"Only you."

"Excuse me?"

"I was thinking of you."

"What were you thinking about me?"

"I was thinking how lucky I am to have you in my life."

"And what else?"

"Are you trawling for compliments?"

"Not at all, I am just wading through your bullshit until you get to what you were really thinking about."

"You think you know me so well."

"Better than you think I do."

"That is probably true." He paused for a moment. "I was thinking about tomorrow."

"Tomorrow." She sighed. "Tomorrow and the office."

"Yep."

"What are we going to do?"

"What do you want to do?"

"I want it to be OK."

"Well, wishing won't make it so."

"Do you have a plan?"

"I have a lot of plans, but not about this. This is pretty cut and dry."

"Really?" She cocked her head. "What do you see as the 'cut and dry'?"

"We lie."

She nodded. "Or we tell the truth."

"Another way to go, but not the best of all possible worlds."

"You expect me to lie to our friends, to our commanding officer?"

"Just a lie of omission. Don't offer any information."

"Are you having second thoughts?"

"No."

"Are you embarrassed?"

"Don't be ridiculous. I am trying to make it so everybody wins."

"How do you figure that?"

"If we told everybody that we are now . . . what? Involved?"

"Together. They won't be surprised. In fact they would probably be relieved."

"But won't that put them in a odd position?"

"As opposed to the hell we have put them through for the last couple of years and particularly the last few months? They are our friends Harm, they care about us."

"And we care about them, but they don't need to know everything about us."

"No they don't."

"We played this whole thing out for them for years, I think it would be easier for them if they just carried on as they have been."

"We are the god parents to Bud and Harriet's son. Turner is a good friend to me and you have known him for years. I am not sure I could lie to them."

"For their own good?"

"Lying is not altruistic, it is selfish at best."

"Then call me selfish. I don't want what is happening between us to be water cooler fodder. I don't want eyes watching our every move and our relationship discussed over other people's dinner tables. It is none of their damn business."

"I think we are well past that. People have opinions about us and whether or not we should get together. Telling them or not telling them won't stop the discussion."

"Alright, I will grant you that. But I don't want them thinking they know us, and thinking they have a right to a piece of us just because they are interested or have an opinion. Let them get their own lives."

"You are not taking about Bud, Harriet, Sturgis or the admiral."

"No, but if we go back to work as a couple, it would be weird for everyone. I think that they would be more uncomfortable."

"I don't know. You may be right." She looked out over the water. "What do you suggest we do about the admiral?"

"Don't ask, don't tell."

"I disagree. I think if we don't say something, or let it be known, that it will blow up in our faces."

"He'll be forced to split us up." He made sure she heard and understood that. "It may not be in the UCMJ that officers shouldn't date when they are in the same command, but it certainly is an understood, unwritten policy. He will reassign us."

"But it will come out eventually and then our integrity will be called into question."

"Our integrity?"

"Yes, the appearance of impropriety is just as damning."

"We will do nothing wrong. We are doing nothing wrong."

"Those rules are in place to protect us as well as JAG. What if we are put on opposite sides of a case? Are we going to put a halt to all personal contact while the investigation and trial is going on?"

"We haven't in the past."

"In the past the prosecution was not sleeping with the defense."

"You make it sound so tawdry." He grinned.

"It is tawdry. Can you be truly objective with me as opposing council?"

"My only concern is going to be whether or not I can concentrate on the arguments that you are making rather than how you are filling out that uniform. Or how your eyes light up when you get . . . aroused."

"You see, that is exactly my point."

"Mac, I hate to burst your bubble, but I have been thinking that for years." She blushed. She had too. "No one has ever called me on it before, and I never lost a case because I was too distracted by your feminine wiles."

"It will be different now. Maybe not in our minds, but in everyone else's."

"So let's not let them know. Lie."

Mac was disappointed. She wanted it not to be a problem.

"It won't last."

"For as long as we want it to."

"They will be furious with us."

"Bud and Harriet will understand. Turner will disapprove, but he disapproves about everything."

"The admiral?"

"He'll probably ship us off to Alaska or to some tender off the coast of Greenland."

"This is not funny Harm."

"I am aware of exactly how serious this is."

"And you still think lying is the best option."

"I think a little misdirection and allowing people to draw their own conclusions is what is called for in this situation."

"Lying."

"What would you have me do, walk in there Monday morning and announce to the entire staff that I'm back and I am dogging the marine lawyer?"

She laughed. "I would not have phrased it quite like that."

"Mac, Sarah, this is the only way we are going to get to work together."

She nodded.

"You do still want to work together?"

"Yes, yes I do."

"Not too much Rabb in your diet?"

"No." She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "OK, we will try it your way, for now. I want my objection on the record."

"Noted."

"Do you want to know something?"

"Anything you want to tell me."

"You are going to have a harder time staying away from me, and being 'in character' than I am."

"Really?"

"Really. I'll bet you can't go through a whole day."

"Are you saying that I am a bad actor?"

"No, I am saying that you will not be able to maintain a strictly professional demeanor around me for eight hours."

"We'll just see about that. I say it is you that will crack first."

"Is that a dare?"

"Just good observational skills."

"Well observe this." She kissed him and the sun set without them.

The Chesapeake Yacht Club

Harm and Mac entered the club to have dinner. It was a wonderful sunset cruise, but they didn't get to see much of the sun actually setting. They were led to a table in the back near the window looking out over the marina. Harm was being very attentive and Mac was acting like a new bride. They were holding hands, whispering and laughing. They were completely oblivious to their surroundings and the people that were coming and going.

At a table near the door, Lieutenant Commander Lauren Walsh was waiting for her dinner meeting. She took note of Harm and Mac. She recognized them but she couldn't place where she knew them. Her companion arrived.

"Secretary Sheffield." She stood to greet him.

"As you were. Good evening, Commander. Thank you for meeting me here."

They sat down.

"How is your father?"

"Very well sir."

"Good, good. I am glad to hear it. I have been reading over your file and you have some excellent reports in your short time."

"Thank you sir."

"To put your mind at ease, I would like to discuss a posting in my office."

"Yes sir."

"But let's enjoy our dinner first, and get down to it afterward."

"Fine sir."

They ordered dinner. Her eye kept wandering over to Harm and Mac. It was not that they were making a scene, but she was bothered by the fact that she could not place them. The dinner wore on and the conversation was light and uninteresting. Walsh was a woman on her way up and she was not too proud to use her father's connections to make that happen. Her father and the SecNav went to school together. She was hoping to be the SecNav's legal assistant, even with the lack of experience she had.

Toward the end of dinner the SecNav finally noticed that she was watching the couple in the back. He looked over at the table. He recognized Commander Rabb immediately, but Mac was turned away from him. He was about to get up and go say hello to the commander, when Mac turned around to speak with the waiter.

"Commander Rabb and Colonel MacKenzie." He said to himself – he was disappointed. Commander Walsh heard him.

"Do you know them, sir?"

"Knew them is more like it. They used to be lawyers." He looked back at them. "Oh AJ – this is the one that is going to sink you. How could you let this happen?"

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing. I have changed my mind about that position I had for you. There is an opening at JAG." He looks back over at Harm and Mac. "In fact there will be two."


	5. 05

Tangled Up In You

Chapter Five

By LizD

Written Summer 2003

Spoilers – Through the End of Season 8

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church Virginia

1330 Afternoon

Harm and Mac were working a UA case aboard the USS Evergreen. They were in the conference room going over the files of other sailors who had gone UA. Harm was looking over her shoulder reading the case files she was working on and had gotten pretty close to her. Too close.

"Commander, please step back."

He turned his face toward hers. They were inches apart. "Where is Coates?"

"She is working with Bud this afternoon." She was not looking at him.

"Just you and me?"

"Looks that way." She looked very uncomfortable. "Commander, step back."

"That's not what you said last night." He whispered in her ear.

She turned to look at him with a shocked expression on her face. Before she had a chance to say anything, he kissed her. She pulled herself away, pushed back from the table, and walked toward the door.

"We had an agreement, Commander." She scolded.

"I am aware of that." He was following her slowly toward the door.

"This is totally inappropriate and NOT what we talked about." She reached the door and put her hand on the knob.

"I guess I misunderstood our agreement." A few more steps and he would be on top of her.

"Willful disregard of a fellow officer, conduct unbecoming, noncompliance, unlawful detention – I can have you court martialed for this." He took that last two-steps.

"I guess I'll need a good lawyer."

"Good thing I am a good lawyer."

She flipped the lock on the door, grabbed him by the lapels, pushed his back against the wall and kissed him. He of course responded.

"You lost, commander."

"On the contrary, I think I won." He grinned.

He was just about to kiss her again when someone grabbed the doorknob and tried to open the door.

"Locked?" It was the admiral. "What the hell is this door doing locked? Lieutenant Simms!"

Mac quickly sat back down and she motioned for him to wipe his mouth. Harm opened the door.

"Admiral? Was the door locked?" His innocent act did not fly with the admiral.

Harriet tried to help, "Sir the door has been sticking. I think it's the weather."

"Right." He was not impressed. "Thank you Lieutenant." Harriet left. He closed the door, checked to be sure it would not "accidentally" lock behind him. He turned his attention back to Harm and Mac. He was not pleased. "Right. So. Do you two have something you want to tell me?"

"Sir?" Harm said.

"Don't play dumb with me Commander. I am not in the mood. I just got off the phone with the SecNav and we have a command performance in sixty minutes on the hill."

"We sir?" Mac asked.

"Yes WE. I think his exact words were 'those two will not survive this' he followed it with a suggestion that I start polishing my resume as well."

"I don't understand, sir." Mac said.

"I just got back, I haven't had time to do anything wrong."

It all of a sudden occurred to both Mac and Harm that somehow the SecNav knew, but how?

"I don't like being ambushed by anyone least of all the SecNav. So I ask you again, is there something that you would like to tell me?"

Mac and Harm looked at each other. She nodded and shook his head. Before they could say anything Harriet knocked and entered.

"Admiral, I just got a call from the SecNav's office. He has been called to the White House and will be departing with the president for California. The meeting is tentatively rescheduled for Friday."

"Thank you Lieutenant."

"Yes sir, and there is a Lieutenant Commander Lauren Walsh waiting to see you."

"Thank you, ask her to wait." Harriet nodded and left. He looked back at the lovers. "Looks like you have been momentarily reprieved. I want you to think about this. I am not sure what he has gotten wind of, but you better figure it out quickly or you will be pushing paper somewhere in Alaska. I can't help you if I am kept in the dark."

"Yes, sir." They said in unison.

"And keep your noses clean until then."

"Yes, sir."

He left and made a point to leave the door open. They each let out the breath they were holding.

"We have to tell him." Mac started.

"We are not going to talk about this here." He said softly.

"We have to tell him."

"Mac," he was doing his best stage whisper. "First of all there is no way the SecNav has any idea about us, and second of all we haven't done anything wrong."

"If WE don't tell the admiral, I will."

"Don't do that."

"I knew it. I knew this wouldn't work." She got up and gathered the files together. She was very angry.

"Mac, listen to me." She wasn't. "Mac." She held up her hand to stop him. "Sarah!" At that she looked up at him. The fire in her eyes told him to back off. She marched out of the conference room and left him standing there.

Moments Later in Mac's Office

She was aggravated, more than aggravated she was spitting bullets. He came in and closed the door.

"Leave it open commander."

"Mac." He said calmly. "You have got to get your emotions in check."

"Don't you dare tell me how to feel about this." She said through gritted teeth to keep her voice down.

"Can you just wait until we have time to talk this through?"

"What is time going to do? Is it going to change the facts?" She shook her head.

"Just wait. Look, let's take a walk."

"Don't handle me Harm."

"I am not trying to HANDLE you, I am trying to get you to think first."

"There is nothing to think about."

"What are you so angry about?"

"I don't know, probably because I knew this was going to happen and I am so tired of my life going to shit."

Harm snapped back as if he were struck in the face. "Is it? Is it really? Well I'm sorry you feel that way."

"No, I am not going there with you, not right now." She came around her desk. "I am taking a walk, ALONE."

She left him standing there. Harm came out and looked frustrated. Bud, Harriet, and Jennifer were all looking at him and quickly looked away. He went into his own office and closed the door.

A few moments later there was a knock on his door. He really was not in the mood to deal with anyone.

"Come." He bellowed.

Jennifer Coates stuck her head in. "Sir, they have found Petty Officer Markus Valentino."

"Where?"

"He was found at the foot of the Washington Monument this morning. He has no memory of how he got there."

"Where is he now?"

"The DC police have him."

He looked out to the bullpen; he knew Mac was not back yet. "Fine, when the colonel gets back, tell her where I went."

"Yes sir."

He left.

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church Virginia

2330 EST

Harm walked in. He looked whipped. He had been dealing with Valentino all afternoon. He interviewed him for several hours and then needed to have him medically and psychologically evaluated and transferred to the brig in Norfolk. It took some doing but he did it. He threw himself down in his chair; leaned back and closed his eyes.

"Hey," came Mac's voice from the doorway. He did not look up. "How did it go?"

Without opening his eyes he said, "Not a clue. I have no idea what to even think about this case."

"What did he say?"

Harm looked up at her. "He said that he had no idea how he got to Washington. The last thing he remembered was being on watch on Saturday night."

"Do you believe him?"

"I can't prove that he was lying; I can't trip him up. I but I don't believe him."

"I have interviews set up tomorrow with three other men who went UA."

"Good, maybe something will come from them."

"You look tired."

"I've been dealing with DC police, shore patrol, all kinds of doctors, flight commanders and a captain who is not happy all night. I am tired."

"Have you eaten?"

"No. And no, I don't want to go get something to eat." She just nodded. "Did you talk to the admiral yet?"

"No." She came in and sat down. "I'm sorry I got so upset earlier."

"Well it is understandable since your life is going to shit." He was a little testy.

"I didn't mean that the way it came out and I certainly didn't mean it the way you took it."

"Are we alone here?"

"Yes."

He leaned forward. "So tell me Sarah, exactly when did your life start going to shit . . . this time? Was it the day you met me or was it just after we slept together?"

She wasn't going to argue with him and clearly he was spoiling for a fight. "I can see you are tired, we can talk about this another time."

He leaned back in his chair. "Fine." He shook his head. He wasn't so much mad at her as he was just tired of the fight. He really thought that there would not be any of this power of wills between them. That was pretty stupid on his part. They were still the same people. "Whatever you say, colonel."

"Are you going home?"

"Soon, need to put some notes together."

"That can't wait until tomorrow?"

"It probably could, but it is not going to." He was dismissing her and she felt it.

"Alright, well, I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Fine."

She got up slowly hoping that he would call her back. He didn't. She left.

He threw his note book across the office when her heard the elevator ding. Damn it.

Harm had worked until close to 2AM. He was exhausted but could not face going home - alone. He finally fell asleep at his desk and woke just before dawn. The case made no more sense to him than it did the night before and frankly his heart really wasn't in it. However he did wake up with a resolve about what to do about Mac, the admiral and the SecNav.

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church Virginia

0830 EST Tuesday

Mac walked into the bullpen. She had been to Harm's apartment but he was not there. She did not see his car in the parking lot either.

"Harriet," she asked. "Have you seen Commander Rabb this morning?"

"No, ma'am."

"Thank you."

She was worried but didn't really know what exactly to be worried about. On her desk was a note from him.

S-

Gone to Norfolk. Valentino escaped.

H

Was he was still angry with her? If he were really angry he would have addressed it as "Colonel," if he were mildly angry he would have used "M" but to use "S" was a step in the right direction. However, if he weren't angry at all he would have called her to go with him. She had tossed and turned all night trying to figure out what to do. In the end she knew what she had to do. There was only one option left open to her. She sat down at her computer. She was there an hour later when Coates came to tell her that the first sailor had arrived. Mac asked her to join her in the interview.

Later that afternoon

Mac was in her office piecing together what she could from the interviews. Jennifer was helping her. She looked up and was startled to see Harm standing in her doorway.

"Good afternoon Colonel, Petty Officer."

"Commander." Mac returned trying to read something in his face that was not there.

"Sir." Jennifer felt the tension in the room rise.

"Did you find Valentino?"

"They had him before I got there. He slipped out during mess call. Nothing super natural about that, just bad security."

"I see."

"Spent the day interviewing the other men on the ship."

"Other men?"

"Two ensigns, an petty officer, the corpsman, a couple of cooks and the captain. They all think Valentino is lying. They seem to believe that the reputation of the ship is given too much credit."

"Well, the people we spoke with today are still very convincing. They had no idea what happened and still don't. However I found no signs of guilt or posttraumatic stress and neither apparently did any of the psychiatrists that interviewed them at the time."

"PTS? Would they have that?"

"If you woke up three days after your last memory, somewhere else and you had no idea how you got there, wouldn't it stand to reason that you would feel some stress?"

"I can appreciate waking up three days later with no clue how I got to where I was from where I started – and I know all about stress, but that doesn't mean I was invaded by a ghost or abducted my aliens. Just a major lapse in judgment." The sting hit Mac pretty squarely in the face.

"I think we should continue on the vein that these men are some how lying. We need to find evidence of what happened during the three missing days to prove that they were aware of what was happening."

"Agreed."

Tiner knocked on Mac's door. "Excuse me, ma'am. Commander, the admiral will see you now."

"Thank you Tiner." He looked back to the room but did not make eye contact with Mac. "Excuse me." He stepped out of the room.

"Excuse me for a moment Petty Officer." Mac got up and followed after Harm. She caught him just outside Tiner's office.

"What are you doing?"

"I am taking care of this."

"Without talking to me?"

"Not your decision, Sarah."

"How can you say that?"

"Commander!" The admiral called from his office.

"Don't worry Sarah. We were both right, we can't work together, but we don't have to tell him. Not yet anyway."

"Harm, you don't have to do this." He walked away. "Damn him."

Inside the admirals office

"What can I do for you commander?"

"Sir, I know you have gone out on a limb for me in the past, and I sincerely appreciate you giving me the opportunity to resume my duties at JAG."

"However?"

"However, it has become very clear to me that it would not be in JAG's or my own best interest to stay."

"Are you requesting a transfer?"

"Yes sir. I realize that no other duty can afford me the same kind of challenge and opportunity as JAG has."

"But you are still requesting a transfer."

"Yes sir."

"Sit down commander." Harm sat. "So let me understand this. You want to stay here. You like it here. You work hard here and it is challenging. But you want to what push paper in some field office or on a carrier."

He winced. "Yes sir."

"Can I assume this decision is personal?"

"Yes sir."

"Can I assume that it has something to do with Colonel MacKenzie?" Harm did not answer. "Alright." He got up from his desk and walked over to the windows. He was frustrated. "Your request for transfer is not acceptable."

"Excuse me sir?"

"For the record, I didn't accept the colonel's resignation either."

Harm was surprised. "Resignation?"

"You two really need to get on the same page."

He called Tiner. "Get Colonel MacKenzie in here, on the double."

"Yes sir."

"I don't know why, but you two still surprise me." Mac knocked and entered. She looked worried. "Sit down colonel. I don't know what is going on with you, but I will not lose two or one of my best attorneys because they can't get a long. The tension between you is affecting this entire office and I won't stand for it any longer. You two have known each other for over seven years and in that time you have developed – I don't even want to know what. You run hot and cold and it is impossible to know what motivates either one of you, but I have never seen two people who bring out the best in the other like you can. Work it out people and lets get back to work."

"If you'll excuse me sir." Harm started. He took a quick look over at Mac.

"You have something to say Commander?"

"What the commander is trying to say sir is that --."

"What I mean to say sir - ."

"We have figured it out, sir." Mac blurted out.

"So what's the problem?" It dawned on him what they were saying. "Oh. I see." He nodded and sat down. "Well good. Fine. I am happy for you both. It is about god damn time."

"Yes sir." Harm said with a quick look at Mac. "So you see why my request for transfer is in order."

"Please sir. Don't accept it." Mac pleaded. "Accept my resignation."

"Why don't I quit and then I won't have to deal with either one of you?" He stated. They were quiet. "Just whom do you think you are protecting anyway? Certainly not me."

"Sir, we believe that this is what the SecNav wants to see the three of us about."

"That's it? You are worried what the SecNav has to say about the personal lives of the people in my command? You are giving him far too much power."

"The appearance of impropriety or favoritism is damaging enough sir." Harm stated.

"Commander, do you think that your relationship with the colonel will have any effect on how you perform your duties here at JAG? Will you disclose information to her that you shouldn't; will you be distracted in court? Will you not be able to prosecute or defend your clients to the best of your ability? Will I have to worry about what is going on behind locked doors?"

Harm was slightly embarrassed by the last question, but answered correctly. "No sir."

"Colonel, the same questions."

"No, sir."

"Fine. Then go back to work, and let me handle the SecNav."

"But sir." Harm protested.

"Dismissed." Harm and Mac left the admiral's office. As soon as the door was closed the admiral shook his head. "Christ, out of the frying pan and into the fire."

2013 EST

Rabb's Apartment

Harm and Mac had worked the rest of the day without further discussion about their situation or the admiral's comments. Not that is wasn't on both of their minds and not like it wasn't sucking the air out of the room, but they each thought – independently – that it would not be good to discuss personal matters at work. Not to mention the fact that they still needed to make up; and we all know they can't make up in the copy room.

Harm left early and took some files home with him. He had gone for a very long run to clear his head and followed it with a long hot shower. He wasn't really upset with Sarah any more, but he was also unwilling to make the first move to contact her. What she said stung hard, but she undoubtedly didn't mean it the way it came out. He would let her apologize and not make her work too hard for it. That brought a sly grin to his face.

He was lying on the bed reading over the files when Mac let herself into the apartment. He watched un-phased as she came up to the bedroom and in one simple decisive provocative motion, she straddled him on the bed. This was a bold move for our fair Mac, but she had an agenda.

"Very brazen, Sarah." He cocked his head. "Not that I mind."

"I needed to get your attention."

"You got it." He dropped the file, rested his hands on her hips and took the view in.

"Thought we needed to get a few things straight and I didn't want you to run away again."

"I didn't run away."

"Of course not."

"I had business in Norfolk,"

"Sure you did."

"So what do you want to get straight?"

"First, this is our case and I would appreciate you not taking off on me without telling me."

"Understood." He un-tucked her shirt from her jeans.

"Second, don't sacrifice yourself for me again."

"Right back at you Colonel."

"We were both wrong."

"Agreed." He unbuttoned the bottom two buttons on her shirt.

"Finally, about that comment I made yesterday." He stopped what he was doing. Those words still stung in his ears: 'her life going to shit.' "You need a little clarification."

"Do I?" He took his hands off of her and folded his arms across his chest.

"Yes, you do." She unfolded them and put them back where they were. "What I meant to say that I was tired of one part of my life going to ground when the other part had finally started to take off."

"Not good enough."

"Harm, how many incidences can you name in my life when my professional life was great and my personal life sucked, and vice versa. They have never been in sync. I knew we were not going to be able to stay at JAG together forever, but I thought we would have at least a little time."

"I thought so too."

"When I heard the SecNav wanted to see us, I saw all that I worked for – professional speaking – going down the drain for something that should be nobody's business but my own. It is so unfair."

"You shouldn't have to choose between a career and a personal life."

"Neither should you."

"Agreed."

"Apology accepted?" She asked tugging at a couple of buttons on his shirt.

"Was that an apology or just a clarification?"

"Are we OK?" She leaned down over him and put her lips very close to his. "Are we?" He smiled and she kissed him quickly.

He pushed her back so he could see her. "You know Sarah, I have been thinking a lot about this and I believe we can have both."

"You have? You do?"

"But we made need to broaden our definition on what each of those things mean."

"What are you saying?"

"Could our … what? Relationship? Stand for us to be assigned to different units?"

"It could, but I don't want us to be half way around the world from each other. We have done our time on those assignments."

"If we had to?"

"If we had to, yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Are you saying that I have an attention span of a gnat?"

"No, but you tend to get a little … insecure with men."

"And you are an incorrigible flirt. Women flock to your like bees to honey."

"They do not. I am not."

"Could YOU stand for us to be reassigned?"

"I wouldn't like it, but I could tolerate it . . . for a time."

"For a time? How much time?"

"Sarah, we are each close to our twenty years. There is no reason to quit now."

"You are suggesting that we let them do whatever they want to with us until we hit twenty and then bail."

"Not all together unsound thinking. We would still have a whole life in front of us to build a life – together – and we would retired with full benefits." She attempted to get up, but he stopped her. "Mac."

"You have a point. I don't like it. But you have a point."

"I have another point."

"I'm all ears."

"Not from where I'm sitting." He grinned. "We could be reassigned right here."

"Excuse me?"

"This is Washington DC. You can't throw a rock in this town without hitting at least three lawyers. There are bases and duty stations all with in a couple hundred miles from here."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning: Annapolis, Andrews, Quantico, Parris Island, Norfolk, Camp Lejuene, Henderson Hall, hell the damn Pentagon is just up the street. There are plenty of places that we can be reassigned that would be driving distance. We would not have to give up either our personal life or our professional one."

"You are right. Who gets to go? And who gets to stay? Or do we both have to go?"

"Well, I have always thought that I would like to teach at Annapolis and I am sure Quantico would find good use for you."

"The idea of you training our young minds is just frightening." She laughed. "You have given this a lot of thought."

"I have."

"Well that is very hopeful, commander." Again she tried to get up and he prevented it. Instead he pulled a move that had only before been seen on WWF. He flipped her back and over and around, so that she was now down on the bed and he was over her. "WOW. Very impressive." She tried to get up, but he had her pinned.

"Uncle?"

"Not on your life." He leaned down and kissed her.

"Uncle?"

"What makes you think I want to get up?" She was just about to kiss him back, when a loud knock came on the door. They were each deflated by the interruption. Harm pulled himself up. "Where are you going?"

"The door?" The knock came again.

"What if is someone we know?" She whispered.

"Then I will let them in." He opened the door to Sturgis. "Turner. What are you doing here?" He looked back at Mac, who had now come out of the bedroom and was headed toward the kitchen.

"Just checking in." Harm stepped back and let Sturgis in. He spotted Mac right away and he did notice that both of them were slightly undressed. Harm quickly re-buttoned his buttons and Mac did the same. "Mac."

"Sturgis." She said. "How are you?"

"I am well." He looked back and forth between the two of them and realized that his "concern" was unwarranted. But there was still that other matter.

"Can I get you something? A beer? Glass of wine? Snapple?"

"A beer is fine." He was very amused at the two of them. Harm went to the refrigerator and got the beer and motioned to Mac that her buttons were off. She turned away and fixed them.

"So what brings you by?" Harm opened two beers and a soda for Mac.

"Scuttlebutt."

"Scuttlebutt?"

"Office scuttlebutt. There is a rumor going around that the SecNav has requested a meeting with you two and the admiral."

"We heard that too." Mac offered as she handed him the beer and went to sit on the sofa.

"Alright enough is enough, what was that act you were putting on on Monday?"

"You caught us. It was an act." Harm sat down near but not next to Mac on the couch. Sturgis followed.

"Why would you do that?"

"So we wouldn't have to have a meeting with the SecNav."

"Didn't work for you did it?"

Another knock on the door. Harm got up and answered it. "No, not very well." He opened the door to Bud.

"Sir, I hate to bother you at home, but there is something that you need to know. There is a rumor going around that --."

"Come in Bud, we know all about the rumor and the SecNav."

Bud was surprised to see Sturgis but more surprised to see Mac. "Colonel?"

"Hi, Bud."

"I'm confused, sir."

"Not the first time, Bud." He handed him the beer he had in his hand. "Come in. We were just discussing this. Why we're discussing this is beyond me, but ---"

Harm was closing the door, when another knock came. Jennifer Coates was at the door. "Petty Officer."

"I am sorry to bother you at home, sir. But I was looking for Colonel MacKenzie and her cell phone didn't answer and she is not at home. In fact your cell phone didn't answer either."

"Who needs a phone, when you can just stop by. So much more intrusive."

"I am here Petty Officer." She got up. "Come in."

Jennifer came in and surveyed the room. She was surprised to see the others and Mac there.

"Sure, why not. Let's order a pizza." Harm was being sarcastic. "Anyone else on there way here? Harriet perhaps?"

"Oh sir, I left her in the car, told her I would be just a minute." Bud got up to go get her, but by the time he got to the door, she was already knocking. She had seen Jennifer go in.

"Colonel?"

"Come in Harriet." Mac and Harm just looked at each other. She whispered to him. "Alaska is looking pretty good right now."

"Only if you take me with you." He whispered back.

"Wouldn't have it any other way."

They all had a pleasant evening. A pizza was ordered and a lot of good friendly conversation was had. The admiral showed up a little later and was sorry that he wasn't invited. They all did their best to convince him that it was an impromptu gathering. The discussion did not really revolve around Mac and Harm the couple, but there were many anecdotes told about the last several years at JAG to which, of course, Mac and Harm were major characters.

They all left around 2230. The admiral paused to speak with Mac before he left.

"For whatever it is worth Mac, you look happy and I am happy for you."

"Thank you, sir. It is worth a lot."

Harm stepped up to them. "You don't deserve her commander." He stated.

"No sir, I am a very lucky man."

"Good night, see you both in the morning, bright and early."

"Yes sir." They echoed.

After the admiral had gone, Mac and Harm collapsed on the couch. "What the hell was that all about?" He asked.

"They are our friends."

"They are, and they took our deception -."

"Attempted deception."

"Attempted deception very well."

"I'm exhausted. I should be going too."

"Where do you think you are going?" He pulled her to him playfully.

"Home, we have work in the morning, and you heard the admiral 'bright and early.'"

"I live closer than you do."

"Uniform."

"You can wear one of mine." She gave him a look. "Not a WAV huh?" She shook her head. "You can't tell me that you don't have a uniform in the trunk of your car." She of course couldn't tell him that because a marine is always ready. Of course she had a uniform in the trunk of her car. "So, where are you going?" She gave him a very long intense look. "What?" He asked.

She caressed his face. She drew her fingertips lightly over his lips, up over the bridge of his nose and around each of his eyes. "You are a very handsome man." She said.

"You just noticed that?" He grinned.

"No, I knew it before, but now that I know you better – I can see that it is more than skin deep."

He got serious. "You think after these last few days you know me better than you did after seven years?"

"You are letting me see things about you that you never have before."

He struggled hard not to make some joke. "Is that a good thing?"

"It is a very good thing."

"Good."

"Harm?" He waited. "I think this is going to work."

"I know." He pulled her to him and they kissed.


	6. 06

Tangled Up In You

Chapter Six

By LizD

Written Summer 2003

Spoilers – Through the End of Season 8

Tangled Up In You – Part 6

1418 EST - Thursday

Chegwidden Residence

Mclean, Virginia

Admiral Chegwidden entered his bedroom still carrying his briefcase and wearing his hat. He hadn't neglected to take his hat off when entering a building in his entire life. He caught sight of himself in the mirror and was astounded. He saw him self at twenty, thirty, forty and fifty all in that single reflection. For more than three decades of his life, he dressed in the same white uniform - the only difference were the number of medals, ribbons and bars. He had held a great number of positions during his time in service and saw a great many things – some he would never forget and others he wished he could. He had known many men and women – people he took orders from and people he gave orders to and some were true colleagues. Not all of them he liked, but most he respected as they respected him. The Navy had been his entire life. It was the source of duty, honor, and respect. He earned it, he gave it and he demanded the same from the people in his command. The people in his command – hmm – how many were there? They came and went sometimes before he was sure of their names. Then there were others who touched his life so profoundly he could not just consider them staff. He shook his head sadly.

He hadn't thought about what his life would be like if he retired. He talked about it enough in the recent past, but never got further than that. What would he do to keep himself busy? What did he want to do? He knew he would retire someday. He didn't know that it would be today and he rather hoped that it would have been his decision. It wasn't.

The SecNav came back from the summit meeting in California a day early. For whatever reason the 'situation at JAG' was hot on his mind as it had been since Sunday night. Interesting when you consider we were still a country at war and he was the secretary of the Navy, one would think that there were more important issues to keep him focused. One would be wrong.

The admiral was called up to the SecNav's office that morning. Harm and Mac were in Norfolk on the Evergreen, so the admiral chose to take the meeting by himself. I won't go into all the details, but suffice it to say the admiral was not going to tolerate anymore of the SecNav's unsolicited micromanagement - not while he was the JAG. He said as much – in so many more words - to which the SecNav said 'fine.' The option was given: to retire or be retired. I guess the admiral underestimated the SecNav's power.

He slowly took all his ribbons off and carefully put them away in their proper boxes. He remembered how he had earned each one. The medals and insignias were given a quick polish (as they always were) and also stowed away. This was a ritual he did every night, but this time it was different. This time he would not be taking them out of their boxes in the morning to go to work.

"AJ?" Meredith's cheerful voice came from the front room. "AJ? What are you doing home?"

He met her in the hallway and allowed her greeting. He truly loved this woman and he knew that she would have not issue with his being out of the Navy; in fact she would probably welcome it. That's why he didn't want to tell her. He needed a little time to mourn the loss, before he thought about the future.

"AJ what are you doing home and out of uniform? Are you sick?"

"No, I feel fine. Should I cook for us tonight?"

"I have class tonight, I told you this morning. I just came by to pick up the books I left here this weekend."

"Right – right. No matter."

"What is going on?"

There was no getting around it. "I retired today." He said matter-of-factly and wandered off to the kitchen to get him self a well deserved beer. Meredith was left a little stunned.

"You did what?"

"You heard me."

"I think I did, but I am not sure? You retired. You just woke up this morning and decided that you were done with the Navy."

He laughed. In hindsight one could argue that was exactly what he had done. He resolved not to let the SecNav manage him, and that was a career ending decision if there ever was one. "Yeah, something like that."

He walked past her to the living room and sat down. She followed slowly.

"What happened?"

"Had a meeting with the SecNav today and we decided that it would be better that I retired – effective immediately."

"Really?"

"Yes."

Meredith knew exactly how difficult this was for him. As much as she had hoped that he would retire, she assumed it would be sometime after they got married. He had too much life in him to want to sit home and grow roses – or whatever. "You know what? I think I will cancel my class tonight."

"Meredith – don't do that. Please."

"AJ."

"Please, I really would prefer that you don't."

"What did the people at the office say?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"They don't know. Their new commanding officer will be there tomorrow and he or she will tell them."

"They are your friends, AJ. Don't you think you should tell them yourself?"

"I don't really know what to think."

"When did this happen?"

"Oh – about an hour or two ago. Haven't really noticed the time."

"I am going to call Harm."

"Meredith, please don't get involved in this."

"I am involved in this."

"I know you are. Please, just . . . don't do anything. Everything is fine." He looked up at her. Everything was not fine. "Just be with me."

She wrapped her arms around him and in a moment he responded. There was no place he could think of being, but in the arms of the woman he loved.

1730 EST

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Harm and Mac walked in. The place was empty – or so they thought. They had spent the day in Norfolk conducting interviews and reviewing records. It seemed that there were other items that went UA about the same time the sailors did. During their interviews on the Evergreen, they found two midshipmen who had been assigned there when the first unexplained UA occurred 13 years ago. They had a feeling they knew more than he was letting on. They had a plan.

They were discussing the plan in Harm's office when a knock came on the door. It was Lauren Walsh.

"Lieutenant?"

"Sir, ma'am. We have not been introduced. I am Lt. Commander Lauren Walsh. I started my tour here this morning."

"Welcome." Harm got up to shake her hand. "Harmon Rabb and-."

"Colonel MacKenzie. I know who you both are." She shook Harm's hand. "I want to say that I am sorry. I had no idea that this was going to happen. If I had known – I am not sure there is anything I could have done about it, but I still feel responsible." Her sense of urgency and anxiety were unnerving.

Mac got up. "What are you talking about Lieutenant?"

"You haven't heard?"

"We just got back." Mac continued.

"I was sure someone would have called you."

"Called us about what, Lieutenant?" Harm asked.

"Admiral Chegwidden."

"What about the admiral?"

"He retired today."

"What?" Mac was flabbergasted.

"Excuse me?" Harm demanded. "He retired? What does that mean?"

"I am really not at liberty to say, all I really know – all I can really say – is that he retired."

"How did you get your information?"

"My father is Admiral Lucas Walsh."

Mac tried to be rational. "Why do you think you had anything to do with this?"

"Well, it was because of the meeting I had with Secretary Sheffield –"

"The SecNav?" Harm was unnerved.

"Yes, sir." She stepped back a little. "I met with him this past Sunday night. We were to talk about a position he had in his office."

"And."

"Well we had a dinner meeting at the Chesapeake Yacht Club."

Harm and Mac both looked at each other. "On Sunday night?" She asked for clarification.

"Yes ma'am."

"So you know that the commander and I were having dinner there as well."

"Yes ma'am."

"And I suppose the SecNav knew too."

"Yes ma'am." She looked down a little embarrassed. "He seemed very -- concerned. I have known him most of my life, and I know how he can get." She stopped herself before she said anymore.

"What happened today?" Harm continued.

"Admiral Chegwidden had an appointment with Secretary Sheffield this morning, and he did not return."

"Thank you Lieutenant."

"Thank you sir." She looked away. "Again I am very sorry."

"You have no idea." Was his warning.

Walsh left.

"Harm there is no reason to take it out on her."

"The meeting was supposed to take place tomorrow." Harm picked up the phone and dialed.

"I am aware of that." She put her hand down on the phone to prevent the call. "Who are you calling?"

"Tiner."

"Tiner?"

"He would know what happened."

"Why not call the admiral?"

"Mac, if he went up to the hill to defend us and got fired in return, I would think we are the last people he would want to talk to."

"So you are not planning on talking to him at all."

"When I have the facts." He pushed her hand away. "Maybe he went home sick. Maybe he took the rest of the day off, I know I feel like that every time I get within six feet of the SecNav." He turned his attention toward the phone. "Tiner! Rabb . . .. What happened here today? . . . You damn well better find the liberty to tell me. . . . What else? . . . What else? . . . Are you sure you are not leaving anything out? . . . Fine. Thank you." He hung up. He looked really disgusted.

"So?"

"The admiral was called to the SecNav's office. We were to have gone, however since we were in Norfolk --- Anyway, at 1530 the admiral called in and asked Tiner to pack his personal effects and bring them to him at his residence. He was instructed not to tell anyone or to let anyone know. We have a new commander showing up here at 0900 tomorrow."

"New commander."

"Admiral Prudence Farnsworth."

"From Annapolis?"

"Yes. The old iron maiden herself. Never seen a day of active duty; but can cite chapter and verse of UCMJ and carries a law library around in her head."

"I thought she retired years ago."

"She should have."

"This is our fault Harm."

"No it is not. If it is anyone's fault it is the SecNav."

"How did you come up with that?"

"Mac, both of us requested to resign or transfer. The admiral would not entertain either notion."

"So that would make it the Admiral's fault."

"I think that the SecNav has been trying to get the admiral out of JAG for years. That little audit he did blew up in his face, but that is only because Lindsey was involved. Some of the findings had merit."

"How can you say that?"

"Because it is true. We do very good work here, but we are anything but by the book."

"I'll grant you that." She looked away toward the admiral's office. "So what do we do now?"

"Right now, we go see the admiral." He wrapped his arm around her and led her out of the office.

2020 EST - Thursday

Chegwidden Residence

Mclean Virginia

AJ opened the door to Harm and Mac. They looked nervous and shame faced. "Was wonder when you two would show up? The Robert's just left, and Turner has left three messages. Need to have a discussion with Tiner about the meaning of confidential."

"May we come in sir?" Harm asked. The admiral stepped back and allowed them to enter.

"How did it go in Norfolk today?"

"Very good sir, we think we have a handle on this case." Mac answered.

Harm continued. "We believe that this is not just a simple UA, we believe that it is a conspiracy to defraud the Navy."

"Meaning?" He looked at Mac.

"Meaning that some very sensitive materials have gone missing from the ship over the past thirteen years."

"How sensitive could they be the ship was damn near scuttled every time it went out?"

"Yes sir, but it still had the top of the line Naval technology." Rabb explained.

"Isn't that an oxymoron, Commander?"

"Yes, sir at times it is."

"Well, keep me informed – oh I guess – no don't keep me informed." The admiral walked into the living room and motioned for them to sit. "Can I get you anything? Something to drink Colonel?"

"Nothing, thank you." She looked very sheepish. "We are very sorry sir."

"Don't be. This had nothing to do with you. It was a long time coming."

"But sir." She protested.

"Mac you have been in the military for quite a while now." The admiral continued. "You know ninety percent of what goes on between men is a pissing contest. Well this one I lost."

"Sir, we know you went there because of us." Harm continued.

"Look, the both of you. I will tell you the truth. I don't have any idea what the SecNav was going to say, because I didn't let him get a word in. I walked in there and told him that I would not longer tolerate his constant focus on the ins and outs of JAG and if he felt he could not trust my judgment then he should replace me. He did. That is the end of the story."

"Sir, maybe you can --."

"No, Mac it is over. I can't go back and ask for my job back. Don't be ridiculous." He shook his head. "I am only sorry for the two of you."

"Us sir?"

"Well you two and the rest of the JAG staff. I believe that the SecNav will follow through with the threat that he presented last time when we were under investigation from Lindsey."

"He will split us up?"

"More than likely." He shrugged. "I could be wrong, it will depend on who he replaces me with."

"Admiral Farnsworth. She reports at 0900 tomorrow."

"Farnsworth? That old iron bitch. I thought she was dead."

"No sir."

"Oh then I am truly sorry. I failed you all."

"How can you say that sir?" Harm protested.

"The first duty of a commanding officer is to his people. I forgot that this morning. I should have -."

"Please sir. We – none of us – have made it easy on you." Harm said.

"And certainly not Harm." Mac stated.

"Hey." Harm defended.

"He was the worst don't you think sir?" Mac said with a smile.

"He was pretty bad, but I lost a few gray hairs over you too Colonel." He smiled easily with her.

"What will you do now sir?" She asked.

"Now? I am planning a wedding. I expect you both to be there."

"Of course, sir." They echoed.

"And then – who knows. I think Meredith wanted to take a sabbatical to write a book. We could travel."

There was an uneasy silence. "We should let you get back to your evening, sir." Harm stood up.

The admiral really didn't want them to leave, but could think of no reason to ask them to stay. "Yes, yes. And you two have a case to solve."

"Yes sir."

"You don't have to 'sir' me anymore Mac. Call me AJ."

"Don't think I can do that sir." She looked at him with sad eyes. "Permission to hug the admiral?"

"Permission granted." Mac leaned in and hugged him hard. This was a man who she had come to love and respect. Not like a father but like a mentor and guide in life. He was a very good friend to her and a leader who will never be replaced. While she knew that they would stay in touch, things would never be the same. He pulled back first, as not to get too emotional. It was too late for Mac, her eyes were already brimming with tears. "Thank you Colonel. You will land on your feet. Trust me."

"Thank you sir." She wiped the tears away.

"Harm." He extended his hand to him, which was taken quickly.

"Sir, I don't know what to say."

"Good – usually when you open your mouth I regret it." They both smiled.

"Thank you sir. Thank you for everything."

"I wish I could believe that I taught you something, Harm, but I truly believe that I learned from you." He laughed. "And that is not a bad thing, teaching an old dog a new trick or two. You kept me honest, son."

"Thank you sir. But I believe the debt is all on my side. If there is anything I can ever do for your, sir, --." They each clapped the other on the shoulder. It was a MAN thing, but it meant so much more. Rabb truly respected the admiral and he knew for a fact that he would not let this man fade from his life.

They turned to leave. "One more thing, Commander, Colonel." They turned back. "Don't let whatever happens tomorrow or in the future interfere with what you both know to be important. You two have been through so much already. Don't let it ruin --- anything. Remember that."

"Thank you sir."

"Keep an eye on him Mac."

"Two eyes."

2146 EST

MacKenzie Residence

Georgetown, Maryland

Harm and Mac entered her apartment. It had been a very long quiet ride home. Mac went into her bedroom to change and Harm threw himself down on the couch and kicked his shoes off. He was not planning on staying, but he really wasn't ready to go home just yet. Mac came out moments later dressed in sweats – her favorite sweats and the ones from last Thursday evening. Yes, they were washed and yes, it was only seven days ago. What a difference a week makes.

"You know how sexy you are in those, don't you?" He said with very little energy.

She mock modeled them for him. "Who needs satin or silk, when you can have 100 Marine Corps cotton?" If she were in a better mood, the tone might have been more sarcastic or playful, but her heart wasn't into it.

"It is not the material – it's the woman inside." She half smiled at the compliment. He tried to grab her hand when she walked by, but she was able to stay just out of reach.

She went to the kitchen to get some water, returned with two bottles and tossed one to him. It hit him squarely in the chest with a grunt. She nudged him to move his feet and she sat down on the couch. He dropped his feet in her lap. If you didn't know better you would think that they were an old married couple who had worn their routine to perfection after many, many years. They dropped back into the comfortable silence that kept them from talking about what tomorrow would bring. To talk about anything else would be superficial and pointless.

What would tomorrow bring? Never before had things been so uncertain. Mac was not worried about being able to handle what ever was thrown at her she just didn't want to have to "handle" it. She didn't want to have to think about it or make concessions or compromises with her time or her career. She had finally gotten to a place in her life where she was happy in her job, and now that her personal life seemed to be taking shape, she was not interested it making any major changes. Too bad Mac. You don't always get what you want and for you, it seems that you never do.

Harm was very philosophic about what tomorrow would bring. He was not concerned about the ramifications of anything – at least not personally. He cared about how it would affect Mac, and Bud, Harriet, Turner, Tiner and Coates. The effect on their lives was not lost on him, and the part he played in brining this turn of events about was not without some – ok A LOT of guilt. But for himself, no. Not at all. Why? He was fully prepared to walk away from JAG and the Navy. He would have a month ago; he was ready over four months ago. If it came down to it. Now that he and Sarah were starting something together, that was his priority. Truth be told, he was a little bored with the life of a lawyer, and he would be damned if he was going to be sent to some back water station pushing paper. No, Harm was prepared to not be center stage. Whether or not he could really take second chair was yet to be determined –in his mind he could. But Harm often didn't know his own mind. He was prepared to walk away from JAG and the Navy, so long as he didn't have to.

"Mac?" He called to her. She didn't respond. She was a thousand miles away – rather she was thinking about being a thousand miles away. "Sarah?" He said a little louder, still no response. He pulled his feet away and sat up. The movement brought her back from wherever she was. "Are you crying?" She was taken aback. She hadn't realized it but she was crying. Not sobbing, whimpering or weeping, but tears were streaming down her face. She started shaking and he pulled her into an embrace. That did it, now she was crying for real – there was no question. She hung onto him as if her future depended upon it. She didn't know why but she had a terrible sense of dread, of impeding doom; that whatever tomorrow held for her it would not be something she wanted. She could not speak or respond in anyway to his questions. It is a good thing that there are times when Harm new when to shut up, and this was one of them. He held her and let her cry.

2215 EST - Thursday

Roberts Residence

Harriet was furiously cleaning the oven. He hair was wrapped in a bandana and she was covered in dirt and grime and cleaning solution from the oven. Bud came in screaming at her.

"What is wrong with you?" He pulled her up from the oven.

"The oven needed cleaning."

He was pulling off her gloves and washing her hands under cold water. "Do you know what those chemicals, those fumes can do to you – can do to our baby?" His statement was so on target that Harriet back away from the kitchen like it was infected with some evil disease.

He found her moments later rewashing her hands and her face in the bathroom.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"No, you are absolutely right. I am so stupid. I wasn't thinking. I can't think." She was reving on 9000 rpms.

He wrapped his arms around her. "Honey, calm down."

She pulled herself away. She did not want to be comforted. "What are we going to do Bud?"

"You are going to bed."

"I meant about the admiral, about JAG." She was frustrated. "They are going to split us up."

"I expect that she will split us up, but we will deal with it."

"How? What if she sends you back out on active duty?" Bud gave her a look that said there is no way in hell anyone would send him back to active duty with a prosthetic limb. Harriet didn't notice anymore, there was nothing wrong with him, and actually there really was no reason why he couldn't serve on a ship – but thank God the Navy thought differently. "What about me?"

"Harriet, you are pregnant. You are not going anywhere."

"How can you be so calm about this?"

"I'm not calm, but there is nothing that I can do about it now. And we don't know for sure that there is anything really to do."

"So what are you saying?"

"Let's go to bed. Things will look better after a good night's sleep."

"I don't think so, honey."

**MacKenzie Residence**

**Georgetown, Maryland**

Mac had settled down. Her tears were dried and her breathing came back to normal. She was now enjoying the peace and quiet and feeling Harm's arms around her. In his arms she felt that the world was a safer place. She knew she couldn't live there, but it was nice to know – after a lifetime of not having a safe place – it was nice to know she had one. One that was so completely open to her alone.

"You Ok?" He asked.

"No." She said truthfully. "But I am glad you are here."

"I wouldn't be anywhere else."

"Remember what I said about my life going to shit?"

"Yeah, well you called that one didn't you?"

"I did." She shifted her position and pulled away from him. Her neck was sore and every muscle in her body was screaming out. He turned her so he could rub her shoulders. "You are being very nice to me."

"Shouldn't I be?"

"No, you should, but what about you?"

"Sarah, I am fine. Really. I have everything I could ever want right here in my own two hands."

She pulled away and looked back at him. "I believe you think you mean that."

"Of course I mean that."

"Well, it is a nice sentiment, but --."

"But what?"

"But it isn't true."

"What do you want me to say?"

"Nothing – not a thing." She looked at him. "Seriously."

He relented his bravado. "Yeah, ok fine. I am --- concerned about what this Farnsworth person is going to do to JAG. And yes, I will bet that she will not chose to leave well enough alone. But am I worried about my career? No. Am I worried about what will happen between us? No."

"How can you say that?"

"I can say it because it's true. Mac there is nothing that can happen tomorrow that will shake us. We have been through so much."

"Really?"

"Really. We have survived fights and fiancées and certain death. What else is there?"

"Permanent reassignment."

He leaned back and exhaled. She was right. Through it all, through the last seven years, there was an expectation that the sun would rise the next day and that they would be inextricable enmeshed in the other's life through no decision of their own. If they lost their home, if they lost JAG, if they lost their foundation, if they lost their forced daily contact how strong – really – was their relationship? In the past, they would often need time to be near the other, but not next to in order to find their way back. It was too soon to tell how this new relationship would work and what was needed to help them weather the rough patches. And god knows there will be rough patches.

"What can I say to you to make you understand? Should I get down on my knees and declare my undying love and devotion to you?"

"Please – I don't want you to hurt yourself." She was snide.

"Mac – Sarah."

"Look Harm this is serious."

"We are not indentured servants or slaves, Sarah. We could quit. Or one of us could quit and follow the other."

"You are not being reasonable."

"How much more reasonable do you want me to get?"

"I don't. I don't want to talk about this any more."

"We talked about this the other night."

"You talked about it, and I listened. It was just unreasonable then as it is now."

"I can't believe you are saying this."

"I am not saying anything. I don't want to talk about this."

"Just like that?"

"Yeah, just like that."

"Sarah."

"Look Harm, our whole relationship has been built on us being equals professionally as well as personally. Our careers are too important to us. Don't pretend like it means nothing to you. It devalues you -- and me." She got up and walked away. "And to say that you are going to put a personal relationship – even one with me – above your career is completely out of character for you. I don't know if you are lying to yourself or to me. But I don't want to hear it."

He sat for a moment and let her words sink in. His career did mean a lot. He did actually like being a lawyer and he was good at it. The Navy was all he ever knew. Even when he couldn't fly he didn't leave the Navy. It was his home. He was comfortable with the rules and regulations, the chain of command, the responsibility. He was familiar with how things worked and they were neat and orderly and precise – most of the time. Not like a relationship with a woman, any woman – especially Sarah. If he were reassigned to some place like Alaska or Greenland or even San Diego, would he refuse the assignment? Would he quit because he drew a bad duty station? Was that in him? To walk away because they made him do something that was beneath him? No.

So what would that mean? It would mean that they would be apart. They could see each other maybe twice a year for two to four weeks. There are phone calls and e-mails and actual snail mail letters. There are plenty of people in the military who have lives that are disjointed like that. Sailors are often deployed for six to twelve months at a time, and their spouses stay home and keep the home fires burning. And those people often, sometimes, occasionally survive the time and distance. Could he and Mac? The correspondence would be very intense and intimate at first. They would disclose things that they never would have if they were sitting in the same room. But then time would wear on, the letters and e-mails would ebb. Their work and the people around them would distract them. Sharing those details via modem would not mean as much as when they were sharing them on a daily basis. He could foresee them falling back into a comfortable friendship. But there really is no way to keep romance alive across thousands of miles. They would drift and eventually their hearts would be given to someone else. Then there would be the messy break up. No it would not be fair – to yourself or another person - to keep someone emotionally tied to you when you are being permanently reassigned. It wouldn't be fair.

Harm sat up. She was looking out the window. He went over and wrapped his arms around her from behind. She leaned back into him.

"I'm sorry." He said softly into her ear.

"Yeah, me too."

"If you could take back the last seven days or the last seven years would you?" His question was gentle, not confrontational.

She thought for a moment before she responded. "There are pieces and parts of the last seven years that I would very much like to have not experienced, but if it is all or nothing, no. No I wouldn't trade it for anything."

"And the last seven days?"

She turned to him. "No."

He wrapped her up in his arms and held her very closely. "I love you Sarah. I don't know what is going to happen, but letting you walk out of my life is not an option." But he wasn't in charge of the options, he knew it and she knew it.

He turned her face toward his. The tearstains from before were gone. Now she just looked miserable. All he wanted to do was take away her pain and in turn take away his own. He kissed her and carried her off to the bedroom. If this was to be their last night, he meant to make her realize how much she really meant to him.


	7. 07

Tangled Up In You

Chapter Seven

By LizD

Written Summer 2003

Spoilers – Through the End of Season 8

Tangled Up in You – 7th

1630 EST

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Harm and Mac were going over the case notes. There was a standing order that no one was to leave the area. Admiral Farnsworth had been locked up in her office all day reviewing files and had not made an appearance as yet. For the past three hours she had been interviewing the staff. She was starting at the bottom. Jennifer Coates was dismissed thirty minutes ago, but was not permitted to talk about how the interview went. It was clear that she was not happy.

She knocked on the door. "Sir? Ma'am?"

"What is it Petty Officer?"

"This just came in from the Evergreen. Petty Officer Markus Valentino has been murdered."

"Murdered?" Harm stood up.

"Yes, sir. He was strangled in his cell."

Harm picked up his hat as if to leave. "Where do you think you are going?" Mac asked.

"Norfolk. This is not a UA or theft case anymore Mac. It is now a murder case."

"We can't leave Harm."

"Farnsworth will just have to wait."

"Excuse me, sir." Tiner's voice cut through the room. "The admiral will see you now."

"Thank you Tiner." Harm and Mac made eye contact. "See what information you can get on the phone. I'll see if I can get out of there quickly." He steeled his spine and strode off to meet the old Iron Maiden herself.

In the Admiral's Office

Harm knocked, entered when permitted and came to attention in the front of the admiral's desk. "Commander Rabb, reporting as ordered, ma'am."

It didn't look like Chegwidden's office anymore. The chairs that normally sat in front of his desk were moved off to the side and there was nothing personal in the office at all. Farnsworth looked exactly as she did years ago at the academy. She was all work back then and time didn't seem to have mellowed her.

"Commander Rabb, I have been reading your file." She had not released him to stand easy. This was going to be a tough interview, at the very least a one-way interview. "Very impressive. The only thing more impressive than the number of cases your have won is the number of ways your bent the rules to do that. I am not sure if I should commend your or bust you back down to Lieutenant." Harm lengthened his spine. He was not given leave to speak, and was biting his tongue in case the need to defend himself over took his training. "I understand you are now working on a UA case with Colonel MacKenzie. Can you tell me why we have two such decorated attorneys working on a simple UA?"

"Ma'am, the Valentino case does not appear to be a simple UA."

"I know all about the ghost stories and hauntings aboard the Evergreen. You can't tell me you believe them."

"No, ma'am. However in our investigation we have discovered a great number of anomalies for UA and a number of similarities with the others from the Evergreen."

"So you are justifying the expense of two O5's on this assignment because you are solving not just one, but all the UA's from the Evergreen. You do tend to sink your teeth in to things don't you commander and bring things to light that never would have under normal circumstances."

"Yes, ma'am. We – that is Colonel MacKenzie and I believe that this case is more than about a few sailors going UA. We believe that there has been a conspiracy aboard the Evergreen for years to steal government property and that the cost to the navy could be in the millions, ma'am."

"I see. What makes you think that?"

"Ma'am, among other mounting evidence, I just received information that Petty Officer Valentino was found murdered in his cell about an hour ago."

"You believe that his UA and his death are related?"

"Yes, ma'am. I believe that our investigation is getting very close to something, and that something needed to be concealed with Valentino's murder."

"Commander I am not sure that I agree with you, but I want to see your full report on my desk by 1900 tonight."

"Ma'am, request permission to belay that order and go down to Norfolk to investigate Petty Officer Valentino's death."

"Permission denied. I will assign someone else to the murder investigation. Colonel MacKenzie will also be pulled from this assignment. You will complete your report on your own."

"Ma'am?"

"As you are aware, Commander, I am not Admiral Chegwidden. I do things by the book. I believe in the letter of the law. I will not tolerate anything less from the people in my command."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Further, commander. I have found a position that I feel would be more challenging to you, rather less challenging for the Navy. Commander Ferrari who is in charge of the JAG office in San Diego has resigned his commission. I have assigned Commander Kateland Pike to his place and you will assist her. Be clear commander, Pike is the ranking officer."

"Yes ma'am."

"You report in 10 days. Pike will report directly to me about any and all of your activities. Just because you are 3000 miles away, does not mean I will not be watching you like a hawk."

"Yes ma'am."

"You will have one opportunity to prove to me that you deserve to wear those commander bars. You screw up once, even just a little bit – and you will be brought up on charges and dismissed. Am I making myself understood?"

"Yes ma'am."

"In the mean time you will make yourself available to transition all the cases here at JAG to the new personnel."

"Yes ma'am."

"You will get your written orders this evening."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Send Colonel MacKenzie in. Dismissed."

"Aye Aye." Harm turned on his heel and walked out.

He breathed a sign of relief when outside the office. The SecNav had now set his sights on him, and probably Mac. They were not long for the service. Working in San Diego with Kate was hardly a lousy assignment, but this would not go over well with Mac.

He was not able to say more to Mac about the interview other than she was next. He pressed her hand and the look in his eye must have told her a lot because she placed her hand over his heart to let him know that she understood.

Thirty minutes later Harm was leaning back in his chair with his eyes closed. He could not focus on the report in front of him and it was due in a little under two hours. A knock came on his doorframe.

"Come." He said without looking up.

"That is the general feeling around here today isn't it." It was Sturgis. He came in and sat down. "So where are you going?"

"San Diego." He looked up at his friend. "You?"

"Groton."

"Groton? That's in Connecticut right?"

"Yes Harm." He hated how Harm always made fun of the submariners. "I think she was trying to be nice and get me back where I belong, on a sub."

"This whole thing stinks." Bud's voice interrupted them. "Quantico." He came in and slumped in to the empty chair.

"Quantico is not a bad draw, Bud."

"I like it here sir." He looked around and lowered his voice. "Although here is not much like here anymore."

Sturgis and Harm exchanged amused looks. "What about Harriet?"

"Back to the Inspector General's Office."

"At least you will be with in a hundred miles of each other."

"What about the Colonel sir?"

"Don't know. She is in there right now."

"No, she isn't." Sturgis said. "She left about 10 minutes ago. She didn't stop here?"

"No." Harm's phone rang. "Rabb . . . Hi, where are you? . . . Where? . . . Why? . . . No idea, really? . . . San Diego . . . Yeah, I know. . . . Ok, yeah, my apartment. Ok." He hung up. "She is on her way to the SecNav's office."

"Oh, that can't be good." Bud said stating the obvious.

2315 EST

Rabb Residence

North Of Union Station, Washington DC

Harm was still working on the Valentino case, even though it had been taken away from him. He was still not able to follow orders. Mac let herself in. She looked wrung out. She took her jacket off and dropped it on the floor. She kicked her shoes off and slumped down on to the couch. Harm went to get her some tea. When he came back she looked like she was asleep with her head back on the couch. He gently sat down next to her. She looked up at him.

"So?" He asked.

"When the gods want to punish you, they answer your prayers."

"What does that mean?"

"It means I have a huge decision to make." Harm cocked his head. "I drew a career making assignment. The only problem is it will take me half way around the world from you."

1930 EST

McMurphy's Pub

Saturday Night

The admiral was sitting at the bar flanked by Meredith and Tiner. Tiner was catching the admiral up on the events of Friday.

"Admiral Farnsworth arrived early, reviewed all the personnel files and current case files before 1030. She then asked for a copy of the report filed by Commander Lindsey. She had a meeting with the SecNav at noon and then at 1330 she started her interviews of the staff. No one was allowed to leave, cases were put on hold and hearings were suspended. By 1830 nearly everyone at JAG had new orders."

"New orders, huh?" The admiral confirmed.

"Yes, sir." Tiner continued. "Am I to report Andrews on Monday 0700."

"Andrews? Doing what?'

"Don't know sir, will get my duty station when I get there."

"Don't neglect your classes, Tiner."

"No sir I won't."

Three old friends of AJ's showed up and he was obliged to speak with them. Tiner moved away.

Harriet and Bud were sitting in the corner. Harriet was trying not to cry, but she couldn't help it. The good news was that they would not have to move and both positions were actually a step up for them.

"Harriet, you are going to have to get a hold of yourself."

"I am trying."

"This is the admiral's retirement party."

"I know – but it is the end for all of us too."

"Harriet."

Harm walked up to the table. "Harriet. Bud."

"Good evening, sir." Bud said. Harriet started crying again and excused herself from the table.

"Something I said?" Harm sat down.

"She is a little emotional sir."

"Understandable – hormones."

"Yes, sir and all the changes."

"We'll be OK, Bud. All of us."

"I know that sir, but it was so much better than OK for a long while."

Harm got a distant look in his eye. "Have you see Mac?"

"No, sir. I assumed she was coming with you."

"No, she had to go into the office today. She was getting a briefing."

"Her assignment is quite a coup sir."

"Yes, yes it is. Can't say I am not a little jealous."

"Jealous of whom?" Mac was right behind him.

"You." He got up and held his chair out for her.

"Me?"

"Yeah you. How did it go?"

"Great." She said with very little enthusiasm.

"Congratulations Colonel." Bud said.

"Thank you."

"You will make General out of this." Harm said goodheartedly. He was over compensating.

"Don't get carried away, Harm."

"I am going to have to salute you."

Bud saw that Harriet needed him so he excused himself.

He mock whispered in her ear. "You might get brought up fraternization charges."

"Harm, I wish you wouldn't make too much of this. Not tonight."

"Why not? You are going to be attached to the office of the Chief of Naval Operations working on a special anti-terrorism task force. Has a marine ever been assigned there?"

"Many – I am one of many."

"You were hand picked for that job, Sarah."

"And I will have to ship out to the Kabul in the morning."

"You have been overseas before."

"I have – I also have never had a better reason to stay home before." She took his hand.

"You have never had a better reason to come home." He brought her hand to his lips quickly. "This is big, Sarah. I am really proud of you."

"It is a big deal." She allowed herself half a smile.

"Yes, yes it is." He kissed her hand again and let it go. They were still a little sensitive about PDAs – particularly in this group on this night.

"How are you going to like being in San Diego?"

"Ah – my mother will like it. She'll get to see me more often."

"You'll be working with Lieutenant Ferrari?"

"Actually no." He looked a little guilty. "Kate Pike."

"Kate! Kateland Pike? When were you planning on dropping that little bomb shell?"

"I hadn't planned on dropping anything and I don't think it is much of a bomb shell."

"Right."

"Are you jealous?"

"Of Kate Pike – you bet your baby blues I am."

"Don't be. I am thinking this is temporary – if it goes at all."

"Harm this task force that I am assigned to is not a quick six month thing. The war on terrorism has been going on for decades and in earnest for the past two years and the headway that we have made is not significant. This could be a long term assignment – a very long term assignment."

"I am aware of that. I am also aware that you won't be assigned to Kabul or over seas for the entire time. They will bring you back home." He took her hand again. "Look, Mac, this is not my first choice, but there is no way I am going to let you turn this opportunity down."

"Would you take it if you were in my shoes?"

"In a heart beat. You know that."

"What about us?"

"I can wait. We can wait."

"For how long?"

He pressed her hand. "For as long as it takes." He had said those words to her before – he was willing to wait then as he is now.

"What are the odds you are going to get out to the Coral Sea, the Seahawk or anywhere east of Washington anytime soon?"

"Slim to none. They like to keep the west west and the east east."

"And never the twain shall meet."

"Not never – just not likely."

"Congratulations Colonel." It was the admiral's voice. Both Harm and Mac stood up quickly. They still thought of him as their commanding officer. "As you were, people."

"Good evening, admiral." Harm said.

"Thank you sir." Mac looked very guilty.

"Mac, this will be the opportunity of a lifetime for you. When this assignment is over you will be able to write your own ticket."

"If all goes well, sir."

"I have every confidence in you."

"Thank you sir."

"Hell, when this is done you could go into politics."

"POLITICS! I would rather push boots, sir."

"Mac," he continued. "I am very happy that this came up for you."

"You had nothing to do with it sir?" She asked.

"No, you can thank me for that." The three turned around to see Clayton Webb smiling slyly.

"Webb." Harm declared. "What did you have to do with this?"

"We were asked to give recommendations. This task force will be working very closely with the agency." Harm's eyes turned green. Clayton was thrilled that he was able to cause that reaction in Harm. Mac looked annoyed. Webb extended his had to the admiral. "I am not sure if congratulations are in order, AJ, but what the hell. You and I have had our differences in the past, but know you will be missed."

"Thank you Clayton."

"Mac, can I speak with you in private for a moment." Clayton asked.

Mac agreed. Harm was not happy and the admiral needed to distract him. "So Harm, I hear you are headed off to San Diego." Harm was watching Mac and Webb across the room. The conversation did not seem familiar and Mac looked back at him occasionally. "Harm?"

"Yes, sir. San Diego. I leave in a week – ten days actually." He looked back at the admiral. "Sir, do you have a plan of what you will do now that you are retired?"

"It has been two days Commander. Think I need a little more time."

"Can I discuss an idea of mine with you? I think it might be something you would be interested in."

"Of course."

"Let me buy you a drink."

A group of ex-SEALs burst into the bar. "AJ! LIEUTENANT AJ CHEGWIDDEN! FRONT AND CENTER!"

"I think I am being paged."

"Lunch tomorrow sir?" Harm was eager to discuss whatever it was with him.

"Very good." He smiled. "I am intrigued."

AJ went off to great his old friends.

Across the room Mac watched Harm and prayed that he would not come over and make a scene with Clayton.

"I haven't spoken to you in a while." Webb started.

"No, I have been pretty busy." She said looking over his shoulder. "You are looking well."

"Fully recovered now." He felt her uneasiness. "Do you mind that I put your name in for this assignment?"

"I would rather you discussed it with me first." She stated. "When did you do this?"

"Actually it was shortly after we go back." He smiled and motioned for them to sit down. "There is no ulterior motive here Sarah. I was asked for my recommendation – as I am sure many people were. To be honest I didn't think you stood a snow balls chance in hell of getting drawn."

"Oh really."

"Not because of your experience or what you brought to the table, I honestly thought with your training and your knowledge of the culture in the Middle East that you were an excellent candidate for this assignment. The reason I thought you wouldn't get drawn is because of the number of times your name gets brought up with Rabb's. I hate to tell you this but it is never in a good way."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that Rabb has a reputation for not following orders, pushing the envelope and taking chances that are unnecessary. If they thought you were anything like him, they would have dropped you in a minute."

"I can't believe you are saying this."

"It's true."

"It is also true that Harm's not following orders, pushing the envelope and taking chances – unnecessary or otherwise - saved your ass and mine in Paraguay and countless other times I don't care to mention. They could not have found a better legal mind or dedicated officer for this assignment."

"I thought you two were just friends."

"And?"

"You are defending him like he is your --."

"Whatever Harm and I are to each other is none of your business."

"So when Rabb defined you as 'just friends' the other day, he was what – lying?"

"What other day?"

"A week ago, Friday. I went to see him and he said that you had mutually agreed to be 'just friends.'"

She looked over at Harm. It must have been before she came over for dinner. She knew he was protecting her. "What did you go see him for?"

"To tell him that I would step out of the way if he were ready to step up."

She laughed. "The sheer arrogance that drips off you is astounding." He shrugged. "Thank you Webb, for your vote of confidence." She attempted to walk away, but he grabbed her arm.

"Sarah, wait." She turned back and removed his hand from her arm. "We never finished -."

"Yes we did Clay. Yes, we did. We shared a harrowing experience and that brought us closer than either one of us expected. But that is the beginning and the end of it."

"Are you sure?"

"Very sure."

She returned to Harm, who was now speaking with Turner, Tiner, and Jennifer Coates. Bud and Harriet soon joined them. They looked more like they were at a funeral than a retirement party.

Toward the end of the night, Admiral Chegwidden – a little sentimental from the drink and the huge number of people who made and effort to attend. Some came from thousands of miles with very short notice – made his comments.

"You all know that I am not one to make speeches." He started.

"More like tirades." Tiner said a little too loudly, but everyone laughed.

"Thank you, Tiner." The admiral started again. "Gathered her tonight are comrades and friends from three decades of my life. Some of you I thought were dead." Laughter filled the room and faded quickly. "Some of us have been through hell and back and a few of our group could not be with us tonight. To them, let's raise our glasses and say 'rest easy.'" They all drank and took a moment to remember the fallen. "But tonight is not an end," he pulled Meredith to him. "What is past is prologue to our future. It has made us who we are and will be the legs on which we stand and face tomorrow. Many of you here tonight have been with me at JAG for the past seven years. I understand that most of you will be moving on to new assignments come Monday morning. Carry with you the things we have learned from each other, for each of us is a better person for the experience. The only easy day was yesterday. It has been both an honor and a privilege to serve with you."

"And with you Admiral." Bud's voice cracked from the back.

"Admiral AJ Chegwidden!"

"Here, Here." They all raised their glasses and drank except the admiral.

2330 EST

MacKenzie Residence

Georgetown, VA

Harm was lying on the bed watching Mac pack. She was getting a little emotional and he was trying his damnedest to be supportive and keep her spirits up. All he really wanted to do was wrap his arms around her to ask her to stay even if only rhetorically, but he knew that it would not be fair. This was a career move for her that would set her up for so many great things – things that would not take her half way around the world.

"Damn, you are good at this."

"What?"

"Packing."

"I'm a marine. We know how --," she lost her train of thought.

"Mac?"

She sat down on the end of the bed. "I just wish I were sure about this."

"What makes you unsure?" He asked. She just looked at him. "Come on Mac. Put that out of your head. We will be fine." She shook her head and looked away. "Do you want us to be fine?"

"Of course."

"Then we will be."

"It is so unfair, Harm. We had a week."

"A week more than most people get – and we also had seven years." She nodded like she really wasn't listening. "So what did Webb have to say?"

"Don't – don't – I really can't take that tonight."

"It was a question."

"Are you jealous of him?"

"More envious than jealous." He said sitting up. "The man will be sleeping in the room across from yours."

"And Kate Pike will be across the office from you."

"I don't want to be with Kate. I made that decision before I knew you."

"I don't want to be with Clay."

"Which is the only reason I don't hogtie him and take his place."

"We work better as a team, Harm."

"Maybe you could suggest that to the Chief." He smiled and pulled her down onto the bed with him. "I don't know what I will do without your constant nagging and taking the opposite side of every argument."

"I don't do that."

"You just did."

"Maybe I do – but you do too."

"There is not doubt in my mind that I need you around to keep me on the straight and narrow." He felt her pulling away. "But I will handle it – and you can keep me honest via e-mail."

"Harm, can I ask you something?" He mumbled a 'yes'. "When does a career become just a job? And when do you know that there is something more in life than that job?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"I was watching the admiral tonight. He put his heart and soul in to the Navy for close to thirty years. He met and lost his wife, had a daughter that he never really got to know, and was alone and lonely for a very long time."

"He has Meredith."

"Now he does, but what if put his wife above this career. Would he be celebrating his 30th wedding anniversary rather than he wedding?"

"You can't think like that Sarah. You make the best decisions that you can and live with them later."

"What if I told you that the fight to keep the world safe for democracy is not in me any more."

"I would say that you are either lying to fooling yourself."

"Don't you just want to stop sometimes and settle back and settle in? Have a normal life?"

"I don't think either one of us knows exactly what 'normal' is."

"Wouldn't you like to find out?"

He leaned back onto the bed and sighed. "Oh Sarah."

"What?"

"You are killing me. I am trying so hard to do and say the right thing – but you are killing me."

"What does that mean?"

"I don't want you to go. I don't want me to go. I want everything to go back the way it was six – eight months ago - with one major exception." He rolled over to look at her. "Is that what you want to hear? Do you want to hear that I hate the idea of being halfway around the world from you? Or that I can't imagine not seeing you tomorrow and having no hope of seeing you for months on end? This whole thing is throwing my feelings for you into overdrive. There are so many things I wanted for us -- still want for us but I don't want to rush any of them. I wanted to savor and enjoy every tiny moment. But none of that is an option for us now. We don't get to choose this round. I will figure out how to live with it, because I have to. Because I want to. Because there is no other choice. But I don't have to like it. But god damn Sarah, let's just get through this."

"If I declined this assignment, would you be disappointed?"

"Yes." He paused and thought for a moment. "I would be disappointed for you but not in you." He reached out and took her hand. "Mac this job will turn stateside very soon, trust me. You will be back before you know it and we will figure out what to do then."

"It is a hell of an opportunity."

"Yes it is."

"I could do some really good work."

"Yes you can."

"I am an excellent candidate for this job."

"The best – non better."

"Will you really wait for me, sailor?"

"Until the moon turns green." He leaned in and kissed her.

FOUR MONTHS LATER

1130 EST

Washington Law Firm

Mac walked into a busy Washington law office. She took the sight it. It was wonderful to see so many people she knew. She had been away for what felt like a lifetime. It was like coming home, only not.

The phone rang. "Rabb, Chegwidden and Roberts, may I help you?" It was Harriet. "Hold please." She looked great. Next to her was a sleeping baby. Mac went over and looked in the bassinet.

"Colonel" Harriet said with a great deal of surprise. "You were not supposed to be here until tomorrow."

"I came in early. What is going on here?"

"Harm's surprise." She laughed.

"Quite a surprise."

"He is out picking up the shingles now."

"How did you get so busy so fast?"

"I'm not sure ma'am, but Harm and the admiral – sorry AJ have been putting this together for months now. Bud and I just got here this week."

"It is like coming home."

"Yes ma'am." Harriet hugged her. "Welcome home. You look wonderful."

"Thank you."

Jennifer Coates came up to greet Mac and relieve Harriet from phone duty. The women chatted for a moment and Harriet introduced Mac to her daughter, Jane. Bud joined them and gave Mac a very warm welcome.

AJ Chegwidden's Office

Prudence Farnsworth and AJ Chegwidden were across a desk from each other. He looked very professional in a suit and tie.

"So, AJ. I can count on you?"

"If you subpoena me, I will be there. But I think you ought to let this drop."

"AJ I have no business being at JAG. You and I both know it. I am a teacher not a leader much less a trial lawyer. The SecNav set me up to be his lackey and I don't like being used."

"So you're going to bring him up on charges?"

"Unlawful command influence, on several counts. And I will win."

"I'm sure you will."

"He never tried that with you?"

"He tried it all the time. He failed. That is why I am here and you are there."

"You should fight that too."

"I am actually quite happy here." The admiral heard the laughter coming from the outer office. He excused himself from the admiral to go see what was going on. When he saw Mac his eyes lit up.

"Colonel MacKenzie front and center." He said in his best command voice. She turned with a start and came to attention. Seeing him in a suit and tie rather than a uniform was a bit odd, but it made her realize how silly she was standing at attention. "As you were Colonel." She walked over to him and reached out her hand. He pushed it away and pulled her into an embrace. "It is damn good to see you Mac."

"Thank you sir." She smiled. "You are looking well."

"Better than well. I should have done this years ago." He looked around. "I've been hearing some great things about your work. I knew you would kick some ass."

"Yes sir."

"Mac, if you don't call me AJ, I will --."

"Will what sir?" She smiled.

"You look great Colonel. Whatever you have been doing agrees with you."

"Thank you sir."

"Rabb not back yet?"

"No sir - AJ."

Harm pulled into the parking lot with Turner. Turner was still in uniform and was down from Groton for the weekend.

"So she is coming in tomorrow?" Turner asked.

"Yes."

"And she doesn't know anything about this place? What does she think you have been doing for the last two months?"

"Well to be honest, we have had very few conversations in the last two months and the e-mails have been short. She has been very busy. Since I got back from San Diego, I have been pretty roped myself and she has been wrapped up in meetings and conferences etc. She was instrumental in capturing those three Kabir cells."

"I know that." Sturgis nodded to the office. "What will she say about this?"

"I hope she will think it is a great idea. I can't tell you how great it is to be working again. The stuff I was doing in San Diego was trivial – a giant paper shuffle."

"You are about to go to trial on the Valentino murder case?"

"We are."

"That is the Petty Officer that was UA and then murdered in his cell."

"They have the wrong man, and I can prove it." He nodded. "I can also prove that the man that murdered Valentino has been stealing from the Navy for more than fifteen years to the tune of several million dollars."

"Well that ought to get you an invitation back to JAG."

"Not sure I want an invitation. It is actually nice not having to follow orders and taking the cases that I want."

"The admiral?"

"Is an excellent trial lawyer. I can't believe he sat back for so many years. I have learned more from him in the last two months than I did the entire time at JAG. I think he is liking being out from behind a desk too."

"I meant about you two working together."

"He is a team player all the way. Bud and I still treat him like he is our CO, but he reminds us at ever turn that he is not."

"So what about Mac? Are you two handling the time and distance well?"

"I don't know. She has been very distant in the last few conversations we have had. I think she has something to tell me, but just can bring herself to say it out loud. And I am not about to ask."

"Like what?"

"Don't know – but I am really trying not to think the worst. Whatever it is, it will come out this weekend."

The men walked into the office and Harm and Mac's eyes locked from across the room. The hustle and bustle faded and they were the only two people in the world. He stepped up to her and did not hear Harriet explain that Mac came in a day early. Or Jennifer tell him that Mac was very impressed with the office or Bud mention that Mac and Jane were already fast friends.

"Hi." He said tentatively.

"Hi."

"You are here early. I was going to pick you up."

"I am here a day ahead of schedule."

"I can see that."

"This is great." She nodded toward the room but did not take her eyes off of his. "Do you have an office?"

"An office?" God she was the most beautiful sight for sore eyes he had ever seen. It had only been four months, but he forgot how the highlights in her hair reflected the sun or how deep dark and inviting her eyes really were. "Yes, I have an office." He came to his senses. "Yes, I have an office. My office. Right this way." He directed her toward his office.

He let her precede him and closed the door afterward. She had gone to the center of the room and turned to look at him. "This is nice."

"I did it myself." He said. "You look great."

"So do you." She waited. For some reason he was nervous and she was getting there. "So you resigned your commission to go into private practice with the admiral and Bud."

"I did."

"That is what you wanted to tell me – surprise me with?"

"Exactly." He smiled. "So, what do you think?"

"I think - It's great."

"Yes, yes it is. There is space on the letter head to add 'MacKenzie.'"

"I see."

"It would look great. 'MacKenzie, Rabb, Chegwidden and Roberts.'"

"I get top billing?"

"Ladies first." He smiled.

"Are you going to kiss me hello?"

That was all the prodding he needed. He moved close to her, took her hand, leaned down and kissed her. It was soft at first and sweet, but she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him completely to her. Before their passion and four months of separation got the better of them, he pulled away and pulled her into an embrace.

"God, how I have missed you." He said. "I should have told you to met me at home."

"You have appointments you can't cancel today?"

"Nothing I can't cancel." He pulled back and looked at her. "It is so good to see you."

"And to be seen." She got a serious look in her eye. "You have been keeping up with the reports out of the Middle East."

"With what you have been doing, yes. Very impressive."

"I have been a key player, if I do say so myself." She looked down. "But these last four months have - well I have found something."

"Found something?"

"I have found the answer to a question I asked you before I left."

Harm got very nervous. He could not remember a question that she asked him. There was something up and he panicked. What if she didn't want to be with him any more? But there was that kiss. What if Webb had convinced her that -? He had to change the subject. "Can we talk about that later?" He led her over to the couch.

"Later?"

"Yes, How long?"

"Excuse me?"

"How long can you stay? I don't want to miss a moment with you. How long can you stay?"

"Well, I am not sure."

''What do you mean?"

"I mean that I might not have to go back."

"Why what is going on?"

"They will probably not want me back."

"Why not?"

"They usually don't like to send people in my condition back to a war zone."

"What do you mean?"

She smiled. "They usually don't like to send people – WOMEN – in my condition back to a war zone."

"Women in your condition? What condition?" He was confused for a moment and then it dawned on him. "Women in your condition!"

She smiled broadly. "Not gonna welsh on our deal are you?"

"I don't understand. You're pregnant?"

"There is that steel trap mind of yours at work."

"Mac – unless there is something else you have to tell me, we haven't seen each other in four months."

"I am about seventeen weeks."

"Seventeen weeks! How long have you known?"

"A little over two months."

"And you didn't tell me?" He stood up and moved away.

"I tried. I tried to tell you a thousand different ways, but I couldn't get the words out."

"But you stayed there for two more months."

"I was safe. It was as safe as being here. You have to know I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize our baby."

"I don't know that."

"Harm – please. Don't be upset about this." She got up and went over to where he was standing. "I thought you would be happy."

"I am happy – at least I think I am happy."

"Harm." She took his hand and placed it on her abdomen. "Harm?"

He looked away. "Everything is happening so fast – I don't know what to think."

"That is how I felt until I finally found the answer to those questions."

"What questions?"

"When does a career become just a job? And when do you know that there is something more in life than that job? When I found out I was pregnant, my priorities changed."

"Yet you stayed for two more months."

"I needed to finish what I started and I have."

"Mac." He shook his head. He couldn't get past the fact that she had known for two months and didn't tell him.

"Harm." She turned his face back to hers. "All you have to do is listen to the facts. I am home. I am not going anywhere. You are home and not going anywhere. Our friends are around us. And we are together having a baby."

"Together – having a baby." His confusion faded and his face melted into a bright grin. "You're having my baby."

"I love you." She declared.

"You do?" She smiled. "Yes, yes you do." He kissed her.

Fade to black

Fade Out

Fade In

JAG: The Next Generation – Life after JAG.

Thank you all for reading – those of you who stuck with it until the end. I am sure I disappointed some of you (even I feel like I took the easy way out to end this saga) but I hope I gave you a few moments of fun. Since this is my last foray into the world of JAG I would like to apologize for stepping on the toes of DPB and the creators and actors of JAG. The characters you have created have inspired these pages. The highest form of compliment is imitation. I, as a watcher and fan fictionist, am impressed and awed by your talent and the fact that you have a real show. Please keep up the good work.


	8. 08

Tangled Up In You

Chapter Eight – Previously Not Posted

By LizD

Written Summer 2003

Spoilers – Through the End of Season 8

Harm tried to cancel his afternoon appointments but with the trial coming up on Wednesday, he needed to take one specifically. It was actually fine with Mac. The time and distance and the BIG NEWS had taken a bit of a toll. It would be better if they got their land legs back under them in a setting where they were more familiar and working a case is what they do best. He caught her up on the case and she had some interesting insights. It was good to work with her again. So they spent the afternoon at the office and had an early dinner with the crew. It was very good to see them all. Without discussing it, Sarah and Harm had chosen not to tell the others about her "condition" or that she would not be going back to Kabul. It meant there were a lot of vague answers given at dinner but with so much to talk about, no one noticed. Well Harm noticed.

Later that evening, Harm opened the door to his apartment for Sarah and let her enter first. His house was not the way he had planned for her return. She didn't care. He had planned a dinner and flowers and all that hoopla that goes with the return of your lover. He wasn't really feeling it at the moment and was glad that he did not have to put an act on for her. There was something eating at the back of his mind and had been since she dropped the news. Please don't misunderstand. He was glad, thrilled, over-joyed to have her home. Being able to see the smile in her eyes, hear the pride in her voice, feel the comfort of her touch, smell the passion of her perfume and taste the love on her lips, nothing else really mattered – she was home. Naturally the baby part of the whole thing was fantastic. Harm was born to be a father – well maybe he was made to be a father after his was lost – all he had been waiting for was the right woman to share the experience with. Sarah was that woman. But there was still something that was gnawing at him.

Harm dropped her bag in the bedroom as she reacquainted herself with the surroundings. A few things had changed; most notably was the picture of them on his desk. They were laughing and looked very happy. She didn't remember taking that picture. It was at a BBQ at Harriet's house shortly before Harriet and Bud were married. Mac looked so young. It was such a long time ago. So much had happened.

"Where did you get this?" She asked touched that he would have put it up.

"I have had it for years. It is my favorite picture of you."

"I don't even remember it being taken."

"I do. You were making some point about the case you just won and you zinged me pretty good."

"You seem to be taking it well."

He walked up and took the picture from her hand and looked at it. "You know Sarah, no other woman had ever gotten under my skin the way you did."

"You always seemed so cocky and confident – like you were so unphased by me – at least in the beginning."

"I was phased alright." He turned the picture back to her. "Do you want to know what I was thinking when this was taken?"

"Yes."

"I was thinking that you would be the woman I would spent the rest of my life loving and fighting with." He handed her the picture and moved to the kitchen. "Tea?"

A nod was all she could allow herself to do. This man could still take the wind out of her sails. How could he have known that back then, back six years ago, and still let all the other people (Dalton, Annie, Jordan, Mic, Renee) come between them? She followed him to the kitchen.

"You were very quiet this evening." She said casually.

"Was I?"

"Is there something on your mind?"

"You could say that." He said evasively as he leaned against the counter.

"Could I also say that you have some thing you want to discuss with me?"

"You could say that too."

She sat down on the stool. "Are you upset?"

"I don't know." He shrugged.

She got a little frustrated. Mac was a direct approach kind of person and his ambiguity was getting in her way. "What do you know?"

"I know that you kept something very big from me for more than two months. I know that we talked nearly every day and that something like you being pregnant – one could argue – should have been mentioned – at the very least in passing."

"Do I get a defense?"

"I am not passing judgment Sarah. I just want to understand why and how you could keep that little tidbit from me for eight weeks."

"The 'how' was easy."

"Easy?"

"Yes, you were doing this thing – this thing that I didn't know about – this resigning and opening your own practice. You were very secretive about it and kept the conversations very superficial. As time passed it became harder and harded to bring it up – so it was easier to not."

He took her words in. No dice. "Sorry, counselor. That argument will not fly. I told you that I was working on something for us – for you and me. That should have opened the door for you to disclose the little project you had going." His tone was becoming very sarcastic.

"Harm, if you are going to be snide . . . "

"I'm not." He exhaled to get rid of his tone. "So why you didn't tell me?"

"Can we sit down – over there?" She nodded to the couch.

He nodded, but was worried that being close to her would make him forget what he was upset about. He didn't want this discussion to be swept under the rug or covered over with sex. He was smart enough to know that the issue would fester if it weren't tended to immediately. He was also smart enough to know that it would not take much coaxing for him to lay her down and give her a proper welcome home, consequences be damned. Something he had been imagining, planning and fantasying about since she left and pretty much the focus of his mind since their eyes met again eight hours ago.

They went over to the couch; he took his jacket off and hung it on the back of the chair. Harm was very deliberate to sit away from her. She took notice and kept a short but safe distance. "Can I say that I did not NOT tell you to hurt you?"

"That is not enough."

"Harm, I found out unexpectedly. I was not anticipating hearing that kind of news – I didn't go looking for it. In fact, I thought we took some serious precautions considering – it was not even in the back of my mind as a possibility." She was implying that they were a little out of control the week they spent together and yet they still took careful precautions – though in hind sight not 100.

"That is hardly the issue, Sarah."

"I went to the doctor because I was tired and could not get enough sleep. I thought I might have caught something over there, but was not too concerned. It is natural to be tired when you are working 18-20 hours a day, but I thought … I don't know what I thought. I went to the doctor. He ran some tests and told me that I was not sick." She looked up at Harm. "You could have knocked me over with a feather. I didn't believe him at first and made him run the test again." Harm was waiting earnestly. "The day he told me was the first day that we did not talk on the phone since I left. You were busy. I was busy. We played phone tag for a couple of days. I took that as an omen. An omen that I needed to sit with the information for a little bit."

"Eight weeks?"

"That was not my plan – not that I had a plan at all. The next time we spoke you were hot on this new thing and to be honest I thought maybe the a baby would get in the way."

He let he argument sink in. Nope. "Sorry, Mac. You know me better than that. You know my history and you know how I feel about kids. I told you about Singer and my brother. You know that I would not let any child of mine or my brother's not be taken care of. You know that I would have wanted to know – sooner rather than later."

"There is a larger issue that you are missing."

"I am waiting."

"I was worried that maybe you didn't want the whole package."

"Meaning you?"

"Meaning me."

He shook his head. "I think that is a load of bull."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Well forgive me – but I do know you and I do know your history. You have never been seriously involved with any woman-."

"That is not true."

"Harm you have never even gotten close to getting married, much less having a child with a woman. How the hell do you expect me to know how you would react to that kind of news?"

"Mac, since we got together, have I ever given you the impression that I wanted out or that I was not expecting to take this -- thing with us all the way."

"What does that mean: 'all the way'?"

"You know what it means Sarah. Over the last four months, we talked about a lot of stuff – very intimate touchy feeling stuff, as you women like to describe them."

"Don't go there, Harm."

"Via e-mail and the phone - we dealt with a lot of the misunderstanding that we had over the years. The late night phone conversations were more honest than we ever had been. You had to realize how serious I was about you – about us."

She got a far away look in her eye. "They were the only things that kept me going sometimes." She got a little croak in her voice.

"So your argument doesn't hold water." She was silent. He pushed on. "I think it was you that did not 'want the whole package.'"

At that she looked up at him. "No. That's not true." She reached out her hand to take his.

The touch sent a wave of desire through him. He forced himself to hold back. – AAAH – he could taste her, he could smell her, he could feel her move under him. Damn – give it up Harm and take her to bed. He resisted. What the hell is wrong with you? Take her in your arms. Reenact the conception and call this discussion over. He held himself in check.

Mac was confused. She could feel his desire. Although it could have been her own reflected back. Why was he resisting? All she really knew was that he was resisting and needed to respect that. She had been waiting to get him alone, hoping that he would let go; hoping to feel his arms around her and his soft mouth seeking her own - but he had an agenda. It hurt to be this close and this apart. She has been so alone the past few months. Knowing that she was pregnant and not being able to tell anyone isolated her from the people around her. It was now taking its toll with Harm. She released his hand and sat back.

"So?" He said grateful to have power over his voice again. "I ask again, why didn't you tell me."

"I wanted to tell you in person."

"You could have asked me to fly out there."

She exhaled forcefully. "I was scared."

"Of what?"

"The last time something good happened to me, my whole world changed."

"And it will again. Sarah, a baby is going to change our world."

"I know." She started to tear. He could not take her tears at the moment. He really needed to understand why she didn't tell him.

"Please – don't cry."

"You can't ask me that." Tears were streaming down her face.

There was nothing he could do. He pulled her into an embraced and held her. To feel her next to him, every part of his body was screaming out. TAKE HER. TAKE HER NOW. You want her. She wants you. There is nothing standing in your way but your own stupid pride. His resolve was about to break; when the teakettle started to whistle. Saved (?) by the whistle. He pulled himself away from her and took the kettle off the flame, but did not make the tea. Instead he came back, sat down on the coffee table in front of her and took her hands in his.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked very gently.

"I was scared." It took a lot for her to admit a second time, but it still was not enough. "We had talked – yes – a lot – yes – about some very personal, deep, intimate things – yes. I learned and confirmed things about you that kept you close in my heart." She removed one had from his grasp to brush aside the hair that dipped into her face. "In all the times we talked, we never talked about our future. I was – worried. You had made a comment before I left about things moving too quickly. A baby would send us into Mach speed. The only thought in my mind was being worried that you may not want so much so soon. Can you understand that?" She paused for a moment and then forced her self onward. "I have seen you push people away, push me away – when too much is asked of you. I couldn't take the risk, not while we were half a world apart."

Harm sat back. She was right. He had avoided all talk about a long-term future with her. Not because he wasn't interested, but because he wanted to be supportive of her career. He had every intention of spending the rest of his life with her and if it started in six months, twelve months or twenty-four, he didn't care. And she was right, he would rather have had more time with her by themselves. She was also right that he tended to push women away who asked for too much. All they had was ten days and ten – well nine actually – nights together – seven years and nine nights. Honestly he couldn't remember a time when they weren't 'together.' When he thought about their history they were together the whole time.

When he spoke his voice was very soft. "I wanted to be – I didn't want - I didn't want you to feel guilty about your assignment. I knew we had the rest of our lives, I could let you have this time to cement your career."

"So again, we presume to know the other so well and we wind up with misunderstandings and misgivings."

He smiled. "Seems like we are doomed to repeat history."

"Can we stop it?"

"I think we just did."

She sat up and got very close to him. "Harm, let's rewind the clock." He nodded. "I have something wonderful to tell you." She pulled loose his tie. "I am having your baby."

He leaned in and took her face in his hands. "Sarah MacKenzie – " She kissed him softly. It only distracted him mildly. "Sarah MacKenzie, you have made me the luckiest man alive." He returned the kiss as tenderly as she had given it.

"It is I who am the lucky one."

"I think our luck has changed." They kissed.

The loving kiss turned passionate finally giving way to their desires. Harm pulled back, drew her to her feet, and led her to the bedroom. At the end of the bed he turned to face her. He pulled her tie free. She freed his. Slowly he unbuttoned her uniform blouse, which opened to reveal her soft white skin covered only by a silken camisole – not marine issue. He needed to touch her, to feel the softness of her skin next to his. He slipped his hands around her shoulders and let the blouse drop to the floor. His mouth found her neck and the sweet spot just below the hairline. His hands – re-familiarizing with her soft curves – undid her skirt. It dropped to the floor. Sarah gave a little sigh; which only served to encourage him. She tore open his shirt with an urgency fueled by four moths of late night phone sessions. The sensation of her hands on his now bare chest was powerful. The wait was over. He had her and she was his. He pulled his shirt free and drew her to him. His mouth again found hers. The hunger for her was becoming so intense he lost the strength of his legs. He drew her down onto the bed and to him completely. They were entwined, enmeshed, entangled in each other both physically and emotionally. Neither one of them had ever been so consumed by desire. There was nothing left to think about, there was only instinctual sensual needs to be satisfied. Neither one could describe what came next in words or how and in what order. They only knew that the need to possess and consume every part of the other was driving their actions. The final clothes were shed and they made wild, wonderful, passionate love until physically drained of desire and sleep over took them.

Sarah woke. It was just after midnight. They had made love for hours and the sleep they took was short. Harm was lying with his head gently resting on her abdomen facing away from her. She let her fingers comb through his hair to let him know that she was awake. He moved slightly into her touch, by made no motion to move from where he was.

"What are you doing?" She asked softly.

"Listening."

"To?"

"Our child. It sounds like the ocean in there." He turned his head so that he could see her but put his other ear against their future. He pulled her hand to his lips for a kiss.

"Are we OK?" She asked carefully.

"I thought we were better than OK." His sly grin faded and he answered the question in earnest. "Sarah, we are OK." He sat up slightly. "Do you think we are OK?"

"I do." She caressed his face. He pulled himself up and kissed her. Then shifted position to spoon up behind her. He let one hand cover her stomach while the other pulled her tightly against him.

"You know what this means don't you?" He said playfully kissing the back of her neck.

"What does it mean?"

"We are going to need a bigger place."

"We are going to need to pick a place."

"A new place?"

"A house? With a picket fence? And a dog?"

"Nah – normal doesn't become us. Maybe I'll just finish off the garage. Turn it into a nursery."

"Think again, sailor." She playfully elbowed him.

"I guess we do need to think about that. I mean five months are going to fly by."

She turned to him and looked at him seriously. "Can we enjoy this part for a couple of days – at least a couple more hours – before we start doing any major planning or decision making?"

"What do you mean?"

"Harm, we have had such a strained relationship. We fought it for a long time."

"A very long time."

"Then when we finally gave in -."

"Gave in?" He cocked his brow at her choice of words.

"What would you call it?"

"Came to our senses?"

"My senses were fine."

"Oh, so you are saying it was my fault." The lilt in his voice let her know that he was playing.

"I'll let you make it up to me."

"Oh?"

"You have gotten off to a pretty good start." She kissed him.

"How long are you going to 'hold' this against me?"

"How long are you going to let me?"

"Thirty forty years?"

"I can live with that."

"Can you?" He playfulness ebbed.

"What do you mean?"

"Are you going to marry me?"

"What?" She pulled away, sat up and looked back at him.

"Are you going to marry me?"

"Harm, this is what I am talking about."

"So the answer is 'no'."

"I didn't say that – but can we please just take a little time to just be."

"That is highly unlikely." He cocked his head. "And not like you at all."

"I know." She curled back into him. "I just feel that we have missed a very special time."

"What time?"

"That easy time that comes at the beginning of a relationship. The time when the past is ignored and the future is held at bay. We never had that time."

He thought for a moment. "We didn't." He paused. "But there is a different reason why we didn't than the one you are thinking of." She shook her head to let him know that she didn't know what he meant. "Sarah, we were never meant for that kind of relationship. We started off serious and took off from there. Why do you think it took us so long to get together and why we fought it so hard? We both knew and know now that anything between us would be all or nothing."

"We had nothing for a long time."

"I don't see it that way. I see that we had a great deal. Your friendship and respect was and is very important to me – it kept me going in some very difficult periods - and the times I let you down were very --."

"Few."

"I will not argue with you. I don't want to bring up the bad times – not here, not now, not while I have you in my bed."

"There is no better place to be. I feel very safe here."

"You are. We are." He kissed her. "But you have to know we were not meant for a dating/falling in love/romancing chain of events."

"I suppose you are right – this time."

"I am right a lot of times."

"Here is the thing: I - we have a lot of decisions to make and they are going to have to be made sooner rather than later."

"Agreed."

"All I am asking is for the weekend; a weekend with you and me and nothing else. I don't want make a decision about my career and what direction it should take. I don't want to decide on where we are going to live or whether or when we should get married. I don't was to decide on baby clothes or names or who we tell first. I pretty much don't want to make any decisions other than what to eat for dinner or if we should bother to get dressed. Our lives are going to change quickly enough regardless of what happens this weekend."

"Sarah."

"Harm, I have just come off a very stressful assignment not to mention discovering that I am pregnant, being thousands of miles from home and allowing myself – for the first time - to miss a man I have loved forever. I need a break. I need just a couple of days to feel the earth beneath my feet and know that the rug is not going to be pulled out from under me. I need a couple of days of --."

"TLC – I got it. And you got it. As of this moment this is nothing beyond the next seventy-two hours and you will not have to make a decision about anything."

"Do you mean that?" Mac asked.

"I do. We are on vacation. In fact – that is a hell of an idea."

"What?"

"Vacation." He jumped out of bed to grab is phone book. "I know a perfect place for us to disconnect from the world."

"Does it involve a plane to get there?"

"Huh? No, why?"

"When the two of us get in a plane, disaster strikes."

"That was a cheap shot – but no. There is no plane and only limited driving." He scooped her up and kissed her, before directing her to the bathroom. "Come, get your butt in gear. We are missing out on valuable relaxing time."

That Ends the Beginning For Harm and Mac …


End file.
